Sometimes there will be songs that will strike a chord in your bones that it ends up giving you goosebumps. This song happens to do exactly that for me and I reckon should I be hearing this song when I was stuck in a similar situation many years ago, it would have been my anthem. This song is for those who love but are not able to share their love with the world over any (supposedly) plausible reasoning that society may have. To love is never a crime but the society that we live in is unfortunately, judgemental.
Mujhe maaph kar do.
It is time.
9.43GB of memories will be eradicated not because I want to, but because I need to. Otherwise, I will not be able to move on with a clear conscience that I have made peace with my past.
To you, whom have taken up a significant amount of time and space in my 2007 – 2010, I am terribly sorry that things did not go as planned but I hope that God has all the happiness saved for you for all the heartbreaks, sadness and negativity that I may have indirectly caused you.
I could see in the albums that you had adored me with all your heart and I am terribly sorry that I wasn’t able to see the devotion you had for me. Maybe I was too young to see it. Maybe I was complacent as you were right there in front of me. Maybe, but no one will ever know.
I don’t hope that things are any different than they are now as who am I to deny Qadda’ & Qaddar but I do hope that you will find that happiness, love and beauty that the world has for you as you deserve them all. Even more.
I wished we could remain friends after it all but I know it is rather silly for me to think that will be easy for the both of us. Maybe a part of me wants to salvage and preserve the memories but I know it isn’t possible. After all, you were and remained to be adored by the family.
I wish you a wonderful life ahead, you. May God continue to keep you in His embrace and save you from ill-harm as there is nothing more than I hope for you. I hope that you will be able to genuinely smile and be happy. Whether with someone or otherwise.
I wish you a beautiful life ahead, you know who you are.
It may seem as though I have died off from the virtual pages of this site whereby I used to seek solace for troubled times.
I am still very much alive, and kicking 🙂
I just happened to found a greater solace in silence over the last 365. It has been a good year of gathering my thoughts and life and putting things in motion while I keep my past firmly in the past.
Any regrets? No. I know things happened for a reason and although there are parts of me that ache to open up that old box of memories with old flames, I know it is best that they are all parked where they belong; in the past.
To those I have hurt in the past, please accept my apologies as I was trying to live this life and figure out what I want. Now that I am 27 going on 28, I am more or less certain with what ticks me, tugs me, melts me and it is good knowing that I have come full circle.
Thankful that God still loves me and gives me opportunities to repent and learn from my mistakes, I look forward to a brand-new chapter in 2016 and it begins today!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,200 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.
When was the last time you said I love you to your mum and dad? Make it today as tomorrow may never come : )
What would happen if you said “I love you” to your parents? These people did and the reactions are beautiful and heartwarming.
Filmmaker Steven Lim is calling for you to video your parents reacting to hearing the words come from you. Post your videos using the hashtag #iloveyouchallenge.
Look no further than here!
My heart goes out to all the war veterans and heroes as I know what it feels like to have a loved one away on ground zero. It may be peacetime here in Asia and we truly should count our blessings. So many families out there wait in hope and (sometimes, despair) for their soldiers to come home and that wait is the best showcase of what love means to one.
As they said before,
you may just be a person in the world but to one person, you are their world.
Have a look and cry with me, sometimes it feels good to feel misty-eyed watching happily ever after coming true.
And maybe when you feel all warm and fuzzy after watching, I will upload part deux. 😛
… And they never will. My hero has upgraded his hero status to angel and he is prolly keeping an eye on all of us from up there.
It would’ve been your 65th Birthday and we would have been able to cash out your CPF and let you enjoy the monies you’ve spent your lifetime to save for but I reckon the celebration in Heaven is way cooler right Papa?
I love you more than words can ever say.
Happy Birthday Papa!
Marks the 3rd year that I found my best friend in the entire world that I can’t live without.
I love you, I cherish you, I adore you and I hope God will be kind to us and give us the strength to continue to be each other’s pillar of strength in good times and bad. I have tentative hopes and dreams for a beautiful future together and I hope God will be there to keep us safe from harm’s way and temptations – there are definitely plenty.
I love you, more than any man in the world, but nowhere near my love for Daddy yet.
How is the air up there in Heaven daddy? I miss you lots every single day. Funny how your passing doesn’t seemed to make me miss you any lesser. In fact I still wonder and think of you every single day as when you were still alive.
I missed your smile the most. I also missed seeing you shuffling between the rooms, sleeping with the tv on, smelling your greying hair and scrubbing your back for a home-made spa. I missed nagging at you to eat your medicines. I missed holding your hand when I measure your BP. I missed wheeling you around on the wheelchair at top speed which you always say makes your heart hurt but you unabashedly admit that it was fun. I missed telling you stories about work. I missed having you at the kitchen, happily taste-testing my random recipes I found on the Internet. I missed seeing you wearing your favorite Goldlion belt and slouchy polo pants to the hospital. I missed cutting your toe nails and buffing them up to a pristine shine. I missed reminding you to brush your teeth before you sleep. I missed asking you if you are okay. I missed telling you that it will all be okay. I missed waking up at ungodly hours and checking on you. I missed checking your glucose level and writing them in the chart book. I missed telling Dr Satish how great you are doing. I missed seeing you devour the crab claws from Hei Sushi and your favorite fried tofu. I missed you giving me that cheeky smile, telling me you want a tad bit of Sprite and winded up drinking everything.
I have not been writing not because I am having a writer’s block. I did not write the last month plus as I wasn’t ready to face writing about 17th July 2014 which is the one year anniversary since Daddy passed on. Moving on to present-day, I will be facing yet another challenge to pass through. That hurdle happens to be Daddy’s birthday coming up on 29th August. You would have been 65 this year Daddy! It is the age when the government gives you back all the CPF money that you have been saving for all your life Daddy dear. Now, all that plan is just shelved for a rainy day for the family; for Mum.
I swear I feel your presence all around during the fasting month Daddy. Now that Eid is already over, I missed feeling that presence I felt and I sincerely look forward to the next one. I know the only consolation I feel with you gone is that you are no longer in any pain and that is comforting to me.
Till then, have a blast up there in Heaven Daddy. I am right here smack in the middle of Earth praying for your well-being and safety always.
I love you more than words can ever say.
… in my personal life:
I would be married.
Perhaps already into our 4th year of marriage.
Living comfortably in our matrimonial home somewhere in the Eastern part of Singapore.
With Mummy popping by occasionally on the weekends to cook us a feast!
Weekends whereby all the families gather together in our homes and fill it with much love and boisterous laughter.
And our precious pooches will be more than settled in with the new house.
I want a Sphynx.
The love wants a Russian Blue.
(They better be both females or sterlized lest I want a hard time raising two complete opposite cats with opposing characters in the same household!)
By 35, I would have a child already in the brood and possibly, expecting my second one.
I hope the eldest is a boy; so that he can carry the family name and shelter his baby siblings.
The youngest I hope is a girl so that the love can dote on her endlessly like how my late father dotes on me till the end.
And thereafter, we will live happily ever after till all of us breathe our last.
… in my career:
I want to be equipped with a degree. Ideally communications as I would love to study journalism and know the ropes to be a foreign correspondent!
I want to be successful; as a woman, as an employee and as an ambassador to my family name.
I dream of making Daddy proud. In Heaven, he’ll go like,
“That’s my girl.”
And shower my family with abundance of good health, prosperity, happiness and wealth.
I would have at least 50k in savings parked into a few investments so as to meet my minimum saving sum of 100k before I am 40.
That excludes day to day savings and expenses.
Financial security is of great importance to me.
I want to be able to not worry about money for the rest of my life mainly because I started saving at a young age.
I want to have the kind of money that people talk about, naysayers dream about but none can boast about.
I strive to be humble, irrespective of how much money I have in my bank account by contributing to good causes for the betterment of animal, children and old folks in need.
That’s what 35 is going to be like for me. I just turned 26 and I can’t wait to see the fruits of my labor!
Today is the day that my younger cousin is admitted into hospital for her scheduled birth and I am stoked about the birth. However, considering that she is a good three years younger than me AND married with the impending arrival of a baby, I honestly feel old.
Like old in a seriously older than grandmother kind of old.
I always thought I would be able to go through the motions of an engagement, marriage, honeymoon and child-bearing but in all honesty, the thought of bringing in life through my womb scares the shit pants out of me. I know many mothers disagree with me and will say that giving birth is the most beautiful thing the world has to offer but I honestly prefer raising a foster child from a less-developed nation and forgo all the pain and epidural side effects that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Maybe the rough childhood I had with my natural father that resulted in this strong stance against having my own kids.
You don’t need to give birth to the child to shower the same child with love, do you? Every child in this world is precious, a gift from God. Every child deserved a loving home with a pair of parents and home to shelter and nourish them. So why do we have to marginalize those that aren’t born from our chromosomes as not worthy of our love? They are innocent too. Just like animals. They didn’t choose to be born (especially those from less-developed countries) but they deserve all love a human heart is able to provide them.
Again, that is all of my opinion. Please do not chastise me for sharing with you my thoughts on my private space.
Don’t get me wrong. I adore kids. But not from my own nether region please. I fear the pain more than anything else in the world. I would honestly rather bungee-jump in NZ.
I am thankful that the love is not keen on kids as if he wants like 5 of his and my mini-me, I swear I will celibate for my own good. Making love all day and night should be great but making and birthing babies is not part of my list of to-dos in life. I don’t mind adopting two kids (provided our finances can accommodate to it).
BUT for all you know, when I add a few years into my life, I may change my perspective all together…. And may wind up raising a football field of sorts on the backburner.
If you know what I mean.
I love nothing more than to have the entire family; plus the sister-in law, nephew and the love, to sit down for a meal together and sharing the best dishes that the mummy has to offer. Prolly the biggest reason why I love family get-together and iftar. The dining table may be small but I know the kitchen is definitely full of love for everyone. Not everyone may share the same sentiment of course but this is my idea of happiness that no amount of money can buy.
I am positive Daddy will be looking down from Heaven and smiling widely at these weekend dinners that we have together.
I am not one who desires to be lavished with fancy gifts but I am thankful to be able to have a night out of our busy schedules to see each other, appreciate each other and update each other on the random interesting notes of our day jobs.
For that thank you dear.
Thank you for understanding that what I value the most a a well-spent time with you with no phones or whatnots distracting us.
I love you more than words can ever say.
Woohoo, Day 15! One more week to go. How are you doing? How’s the course been for you so far? Hit reply and let me know what’s going on for you, if you have any questions, experiences you’d like to share etc.
It’s been a powerful, introspective week so let’s cap it off with doing something special. This is your invitation to pamper, spoil, or treat yourself!
Today, start a happy jar. On little pieces of paper, write down a bunch of stuff that you love to do and makes you happy. Every week, take a piece of paper out and do what it says!
If you make this a regular practice, you’ll be way happier, more energised, and your Inner Sparkle will twinkle like lights in your eyes 🙂 A previous participant got her entire family making up happy jar slips ~ the kids loved it!
Go on, be good to yourself. You DESERVE it!
I am going to start listing down my jars all this week. Let’s see what happens!