Life Snuffed Out

… just like that.

Just like that he went away to be in The Almighty’s arms. Quietly, ever-so-peaceful and definitely no pain. But the fact that remains is that he is gone and I have to bear the brunt of losing something so close to me. Why does heartbreaks like this sort always happen? Why can’t things, people, animals and so forth; you know, the good things in one person’s life last forever?

 I remember my ex-boyfriend saying that nothing lasts forever unless it’s a miracle.

But then again, Joby’s presence has always been like a miracle to me everyday that I never imagined a life without him. Perhaps I grew too accustomed to having him waiting ever so patiently for me when I kick my heels after a long day at work, or when I am having lunch at home and he bites the cage to signal his intention to eat lunch with me or maybe, just maybe, I find his presence to be the closest to peace for me ever since Grams passed away.

It’s kind of hard to write out this post and obviously my WP has been left hanging for so long just because I refuse to come to terms with the fact that I am writing about my hamster which passed away yesterday morning. It felt so weird to actually hold him and instead of feeling warmth, all that I felt was a cold fur that blankets the tiny body of the Joby I once knew. He left when I was asleep in the morning, maybe he didn’t want to see me cry too much. Maybe he was contented with having me to stay up with him till 4 in the morning to watch him sleep. Maybe he was happy that on his final few hours, I cradled him in my palm and moving as little muscle as possible so that I won’t disturb his sleeping. For once, he sat real still in my arms. It felt as though he already knew his time was running out and he wanted to feel the warmth of another living being.

His death was, I hope, not a painful one as when I got up and looked at him in the morning, he looked so peaceful. So peaceful that even Mum, the “toughie” shedded tears. It felt so wrong to be digging the pot of empty land in my balcony to accommodate my hamster. Why can’t he just stay alive with me in the cage? I will promise to be an even better care-giver. I’ll do anything to get him back. After all, he was love in its purest form.

If loving someone would be as easy as loving him, I would gladly give my entire out to a man the same way I gave it to him. He taught me so much despite the “language barrier”; he squeaks while I talk. But at the end of the day, he renewed that loss of faith in love. He made me become a better person, never complaining even when I rant on and on about my bad days. Loyalty was second to none, he was a hamster with a dog’s characteristics. Or maybe, that’s just a universal animal trait. After all, loyalty is such a rarity in humans that people like me – who have given up on a monogamous relationship with a man – have resorted to seeking love and companionship in an furry friend.

I will miss you Joby, always.

*

A fact that you should know, I am writing this post exactly one month after Joby passed away. Today is February 24th 2010 and it has taken me that long to write out this post. It also brings to show how much I still am pining for Joby to be back in the same cage just like when he used to. One month on and I still am sad just thinking about the day he went away. My tears still flows freely without much resistance from my eyes, a testament to the statement that I am still in the grieving stage. But life goes on; easier said than done though.

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