I know for a fact that there are many eyes watching me at work. Watching me perform, watching to make sure I stay up on the top of my game, and most of all, watching me for those loser moments whereby I actually fall and crumble so that they can finally exclaim out loud to their mighty selves that their hunches about me being a good-for-nothing employee is actually, true.
Now that is the reality of it and the people around me actually think I don’t know about it but what do they know, exactly? Do they know the feeling of immense disappointment I feel when I know a job / task assigned to me wasn’t done to my 101% expectation? Do they care to know what it feels like in my shoes, sitting at the bottom of the management chain just waiting to be slaughtered and torn into pieces the minute I make the wrong step forward?
Sometimes I feel totally lost at work. As much as I know I am expected to do great, big things, there are those days whereby I wish I can revert to just being normal and not be liable for failing at any step of the way during my pressure-cooking programme that I am on for the last five months or so. I see other managers having more off days than working days and I wish I could have that extra day off work where I can just window-shop to my heart’s content and for once ignore the fact that I am a McDonald’s Trainee Manager on FTP at work. I keep hearing other TMs going onto FB every single day to chat with each other – I mean, where the heck did they find the time? Or is it just me who is shaped in an entirely different environment as compared to them?
The environment is stifling to say the least. Don’t get me all wrong here; I love my job but sometimes maybe my Bosses may like to consider my two cent’s worth when I ask for help and they actually are there-there to listen.
Be Here Now.
I thought those are the words BSMC class taught us? I find myself chanting it to myself over and over again while I’m at work but I kind of forget the fact that it takes two to be in the conversation.
It ain’t all just about me alone.