Sometimes,

.. I really yearn for her to be around and lull me to sleep at night. Even the slightest sounds or moments in the house when I am alone at home gives me the idea that she is slowly making her move around the house. Her smile is still clearly embedded in my memory that when I am ironing in my parent’s room, I always keep having the idea that she’s standing at the door, watching me iron and smiling at me her wide, wide smile.

The pain of losing someone so dear has been fraught with many personal challenges that I have to go through alone. There are times I wish she wasn’t buried so far away from me as at least then, I’ll be able to visit her more often than now. Other times, I wish she’d just open her eyes and tell me it’s just one big fat horrible prank she had played upon me and that she’s sorry for giving me the assumption that she has passed on. You know, like some cruel joke. I’d be lying if I say I have completely moved on from the part when I lost her but seriously, who actually does move on when their loved ones passes on ? There ought to be times whereby the pain of losing is brought forward into the future and somehow or rather (whether we like it or not), it moulds us into entirely different people as compared to prior to when the incident actually happened.

I wouldn’t be where I am now without you but at the same time, I wish you’d know how much I miss you so much. Hope you are doing just fine in Heaven, well I know you are happy there with in your loving husband’s arms. It has been so long since you both met. But I sure hope that amidst the happiness that you are basking there in Heaven, do look down onto Earth sometimes and look at your grandchild here who still thinks of you every once in a while; just hoping and praying that you are happy for her.

I miss you much.

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