… your first love. No matter how deeply in love you are with the current man in your life, there’s no such thing as the current man ever replacing the first love. Funny how I readily agree with that statement even after the first love was vanquished many, many years ago. Sure, he gave me plenty of heartbreaks etc but I still recall thoughts of him ever once in a while when people call me by my middle name or spew out my full name. It’s just unlucky that his name will forever be related with mine since we both have the same middle names.
I’m not writing ‘cos I’m pining for him. Hell no, I am very much happy where I am, dating and getting to know decent and sweet guys. It’s just that sometimes when I do decide to google profiles, his profile is one of those I do read.
We separated on poor terms and I blame it on our immatured nature but never did I ever regretted leaving him. In fact, leaving him was the catalyst I needed to push myself further and further in whatever I was doing. Sometimes, I do thank him and say a prayer of thanks to God for letting us cross paths as without a history with him, I wouldn’t be so adamant on achieving and carving out my own path in my career and everything else in my life for my future.
Now, I see that he’s happy and I’ve got nothing but good wishes for him. I sincerely hope he’ll find whatever he dreams of in that girl and hopefully she is able to make him happier than I did. He’ll never be able to mould her into the space I used to fit but I know, she’ll take care of him alright.
When I lost a love, I actually regretted just running away. ‘Cos I ended up losing a good friend too. But that’s okaye, I’ve got plenty of friends who are there for me through thick and thin and I am immensely gratified for that blessing. Sure, I lost a first love & a good friend but the gains I get are worth the years of heartache.
So thank you ‘Izzat Said, you’ve left a mark in my heart and head but I never harbored any ill-intentions towards you and your past misdeeds. Here’s wishing that you’ll find the love worth living for; someone who can love you more than I did. I have said my silent goodbyes many times but I never went ahead with the actual action as I fear moving on would deem me a bitch who doesn’t give a hoot about her old flame but I think the time is right that I say goodbye to you and really mean every single breath when I say it. Throughout these years, everyone I know have crossed paths with you, even my brother too. I’m thankful I haven’t and I honestly hope I don’t, ever. You cease to exist in my memory and so do I. Let us be strangers, it’s infinitely better that way. I’m sure you’ll agree too.