‘Cos It Is History

I’m not the easiest of person to love but when I do love somebody, I’ll give up my entire soul, life and everything else for him. Three years of single-hood finally gave way to a first boyfriend after so long of leading a single life.

Big Bear, he was the perfect Mr. Right Now.

Tall, beefy and strong but with a garden full of love.

He was there to fetch me every single day and we’ll spend nights riding to some unknown territory in SG just to sit and just discuss about everything under the sun and moon. Unfortunately, he took the dependence I had for him as a seal of approval that I belonged to him that possessiveness came and rear its ugly head.

And then I realized, history is going to repeat itself so I broke free. I ended the relationship just as we were heading to our first year of togetherness. My reason is simple, if you can’t handle me and my ideologies and try to shape me into someone that I’m not, I’ll pack my bags and leave. But that isn’t to say I will be so harsh as to not give him chances.

I gave him three, same as all the guys I’ve dated through the years.

Unfortunately he used up all his Wild cards and I have to stick to my guns to let him go. This is not to say I never loved him throughout the time I was with him, I did; in my own ways. I opened up my hardened heart to give him room to feel what it feels like to be loved by me. But love can only do so much to keep a relationship alive. You need plenty of patience, commitment and most importantly, a give-&-take mindset with one another. It was okaye following his needs and wants but sometimes, people have their limits too. When I find that I’ve lost the reason to smile doing something or being with somebody, my heart automatically cuts off the love and good feelings she has for that specific thing that she’s able to turn me 360 degrees towards a person I previously loved, say, a day ago. I am able to hate you as much as I love you.

I call it a defence mechanism;

I used that to protect my fragile heart from further damage and it’s the only reason why people assumed I am a coward. I am not a coward when it comes to matters of the heart. I just am doing my heart some good by protecting her from major heartbreaks as she’s seen one too many throughout her entire life.

She deserves better.

And she’ll stop at nothing to find that one man who’ll accept her the way that she is and still love her no less.


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