Funny how people can actually change 360 within a span of a few days, or max, a week? It upsets me to no end knowing that the person who promises to try to be there through my thick and thin actually just muttered a bunch of lies just to get rid of the conflict and so that I will shut up.
Moving on, it’s amazing that I still want to try to make things work out with you as honestly, I felt that it was a waste if I abandon everything we used to share just because we had our random squabbles. You were the closest person to me through it all, we went through numerous hard times together and now that I seek an outlet to escape, you take it as a one-way ticket to complete freedom? Who are you, really? What changed you? Why have you gone so far away from me that I feel as though even my mere existence is such an inconvenience to you? Or have you found someone else to take over my place but have no guts to tell it to me in my face?
You can be strong in front of others, you don’t have to puff up that masculinity in front of me since I’ve seen you in your worst times. Why can’t you stop all the charades and learn to appreciate what I ‘ve been doing to be there for you. If you hate it, just say so and I’ll gladly pack my bags and leave you for good. Say the magic word, I’ll honor it and leave in a jiffy. I don’t want to waste your time, neither would I want to waste my time on you if you don’t see what good my presence has on your current situation.
You can pretend to be happy, laughing away with the world but you don’t have to show your thousand and one masks in front of me. I know you are not that sort in front of me. Your pain never escaped my line of sight and I know you are hurting deep inside. It hurts me alot to see you being hurt. Please don’t hurt me just because you don’t want me to see you in your lowest point. I still care, I’ll still love you no less even if you cry buckets in front of me. My judgment of you will never change, I will still care for you no less ‘cos once upon a time in my life, you meant the world to me and I’ll make damn sure you’ll get that shot in happiness however hard it may be.
I want to be there;
be the one who makes you smile when you are about to cry, the one who picks you up when the world shatters you, the one who’ll stand by you till you find the strength to pick yourself up again.
But I can’t if you don’t allow me to. If I do have had enough in the future and eventually leave, don’t ever look for me again. When I do leave, I’ll leave you with a life full of emptiness, you wished you were dead. Nobody treats me me like that; pick me up when they need me, chuck me one side when they don’t. They’ll live a life full of pain when karma eventually comes back.
So darling, be careful what you wish for and play your cards right.