I’m not looking for a cure for Daddy’s illness as I know there’s no known drugs which can completely cure multiple myeloma. However, any information is good information as it’ll bring me closer to understanding the condition and how to react to it. His illness has left me numb on most days that sometimes I wonder if all these things prove too hard to bear, will I actually end up crumbling and falling down on my feet? Everyday I pray, that it will never happen as I don’t wish for Daddy to see my tears. But at the end of every night before I go to sleep, I always say a silent prayer that I’ll get to see him up and running the next morning. Not literally, but oh you get what I mean yes?
His condition has increasingly evolved me into a different person. Like what I was telling Boo last night, ask me what’s my goal when I was 20, it would sound something like this,
“A career woman who strives to climb the corporate ladder with no room for love or much social life as she’s busy chasing her dreams and dollars so that she can retire comfortably at 30.”
As me now as I go from 23 going on 24 what’s my dream, it’ll sound something like this,
“I want a career yes, but let it be fulfilling enough that I am able to balance my family, my friends, my commitment to my career and still have enough time for myself to pursue the things that I want.”
In this mad-paced lifestyle of a Singaporean life, who on Earth can get a work-life balance if they plough through the hours endlessly at work, right? Well I’ve decided that as much as I love my highly paid job in the tourism and hospitality sector and the big bucks it brings me monthly, I’d rather take a job which requires I serve a shorter working hours and forge a closer bond to my family as no amount of money in the bank can compensate that lost time I missed with my family.
I guess like what the adage says, age does wisen you up and in my case, it sure has indefinitely. I’ve cleaned up my act, stayed away from alcohol and unnecessary late-nights just to wake up bright and early for breakfast with the parents. I’ve even mellowed to reducing my outings to only if it’s necessary to go out. And on top of that, I’m blessed with the sweetest love God has granted me as without his never-ending support, I would’ve fallen apart long, long ago and get myself checked into an asylum for the mental patients. Of course, the network of supportive friends I will give up anything for also made me feel so immensely thankful, sometimes I feel that I’ve not thanked Him enough for all these blessings.
I love you; each and every single one of you who’ve shaped me to who I am now, thank you for playing a part in shaping my life, my values and my soul in this world.