I Watched and Went Misty-Eyed Within 30 Seconds

My heart goes out to all the war veterans and heroes as I know what it feels like to have a loved one away on ground zero. It may be peacetime here in Asia and we truly should count our blessings. So many families out there wait in hope and (sometimes, despair) for their soldiers to come home and that wait is the best showcase of what love means to one.

As they said before,

you may just be a person in the world but to one person, you are their world.

Have a look and cry with me, sometimes it feels good to feel misty-eyed watching happily ever after coming true.

And maybe when you feel all warm and fuzzy after watching, I will upload part deux. 😛

28th August 2014

Love

Marks the 3rd year that I found my best friend in the entire world that I can’t live without.
I love you, I cherish you, I adore you and I hope God will be kind to us and give us the strength to continue to be each other’s pillar of strength in good times and bad. I have tentative hopes and dreams for a beautiful future together and I hope God will be there to keep us safe from harm’s way and temptations – there are definitely plenty.

I love you, more than any man in the world, but nowhere near my love for Daddy yet.

🙂

365 Days Plus Without You

How is the air up there in Heaven daddy? I miss you lots every single day. Funny how your passing doesn’t seemed to make me miss you any lesser. In fact I still wonder and think of you every single day as when you were still alive.

Goodbye

 

I missed your smile the most. I also missed seeing you shuffling between the rooms, sleeping with the tv on, smelling your greying hair and scrubbing your back for a home-made spa. I missed nagging at you to eat your medicines. I missed holding your hand when I measure your BP. I missed wheeling you around on the wheelchair at top speed which you always say makes your heart hurt but you unabashedly admit that it was fun. I missed telling you stories about work. I missed having you at the kitchen, happily taste-testing my random recipes I found on the Internet. I missed seeing you wearing your favorite Goldlion belt and slouchy polo pants to the hospital. I missed cutting your toe nails and buffing them up to a pristine shine. I missed reminding you to brush your teeth before you sleep. I missed asking you if you are okay. I missed telling you that it will all be okay. I missed waking up at ungodly hours and checking on you. I missed checking your glucose level and writing them in the chart book. I missed telling Dr Satish how great you are doing. I missed seeing you devour the crab claws from Hei Sushi and your favorite fried tofu. I missed you giving me that cheeky smile, telling me you want a tad bit of Sprite and winded up drinking everything. 

Death

I have not been writing not because I am having a writer’s block. I did not write the last month plus as I wasn’t ready to face writing about 17th July 2014 which is the one year anniversary since Daddy passed on. Moving on to present-day, I will be facing yet another challenge to pass through. That hurdle happens to be Daddy’s birthday coming up on 29th August. You would have been 65 this year Daddy! It is the age when the government gives you back all the CPF money that you have been saving for all your life Daddy dear. Now, all that plan is just shelved for a rainy day for the family; for Mum.

Transition

I swear I feel your presence all around during the fasting month Daddy. Now that Eid is already over, I missed feeling that presence I felt and I sincerely look forward to the next one. I know the only consolation I feel with you gone is that you are no longer in any pain and that is comforting to me.

Till then, have a blast up there in Heaven Daddy. I am right here smack in the middle of Earth praying for your well-being and safety always. 

I love you more than words can ever say.

X

ENFJ in General.

ENFJs are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, ENFJs take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community.

People are drawn to strong personalities, and ENFJs radiate authenticity, concern and altruism, unafraid to stand up and speak when they feel something needs to be said. They find it natural and easy to communicate with others, especially in person, and their Intuitive (N) trait helps ENFJs to reach every mind, be it through facts and logic or raw emotion. ENFJs easily see people’s motivations and seemingly disconnected events, and are able to bring these ideas together and communicate them as a common goal with an eloquence that is nothing short of mesmerizing.

The interest ENFJs have in others is genuine, almost to a fault – when they believe in someone, they can become too involved in the other person’s problems, place too much trust in them. Luckily, this trust tends to be a self-fulfilling prophesy, as ENFJs’ altruism and authenticity inspire those they care about to become better themselves. But if they aren’t careful, they can overextend their optimism, sometimes pushing others further than they’re ready or willing to go.

Everything you do right now ripples outward and affects everyone. Your posture can shine your heart or transmit anxiety. Your breath can radiate love or muddy the room in depression. Your glance can awaken joy. Your words can inspire freedom. Your every act can open hearts and minds.

David Deida

 

ENFJs are vulnerable to another snare as well: they have a tremendous capacity for reflecting on and analyzing their own feelings, but if they get too caught up in another person’s plight, they can develop a sort of emotional hypochondria, seeing other people’s problems in themselves, trying to fix something in themselves that isn’t wrong. If the ENFJ gets to a point where they are held back by limitations someone else is experiencing, it can hinder their ability to see past the dilemma and be of any help at all. When this happens, it’s important for ENFJs to pull back and use that self-reflection to distinguish between what they really feel, and what is a separate issue that needs to be looked at from another perspective.

ENFJs are genuine, caring people who talk the talk and walk the walk, and nothing makes them happier than leading the charge, uniting and motivating their team with infectious enthusiasm. ENFJs are passionate altruists, sometimes even to a fault, and they are unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas they believe in. It is no wonder that many famous ENFJs are US Presidents – this personality type wants to lead the way to a brighter future, whether it’s by leading a nation to prosperity, or leading their little league softball team to a hard-fought victory.

Most typical ENFJ careers share one key attribute—they focus on making other people happy. ENFJs are usually very warm, sociable, and altruistic, and they have many viable choices when it comes to choosing the career that is best for them. We will list some of the most common roles below, but please feel free to drop us a message if you have any comments or ideas.

Let us start examining ENFJ career choices by stating the somewhat obvious fact that ENFJs are sincerely interested in other people and try to do their best to help them. On top of this, people with the ENFJ personality type tend to have extraordinary social and networking skills—it is quite common for an ENFJ to be “that person who knows everybody.” ENFJs truly shine in customer-relations careers or roles where they need to be dealing with other people on a daily basis. They can be brilliant sales representatives, advertising consultants, or HR administrators.

Next, ENFJs are usually quite sensitive and even somewhat idealistic. This is a double-edged sword, as the same sensitivity draws ENFJs toward careers that reward high emotional intelligence; on the other hand, ENFJs are very vulnerable to criticism and should stay away from stressful careers. Some of the ENFJ careers to avoid include finance (especially stock trading), law enforcement, corporate management, emergency personnel, medicine, and the military.

People with this personality type are also really creative, organized, and honest. This makes them excellent psychologists, event coordinators, or politicians. (There are some honest politicians in the world!) Also, one of the best ENFJ careers can be found in writing; however, ENFJs tend to approach this from a journalistic rather than book-writing perspective as such a career allows them to leverage their people skills.

Finally, ENFJs love new challenges and the thrill they get from helping other people. Consequently, many ENFJs are found in “altruistic” careers, e.g., social or religious work, teaching, or counseling. However, it should also be noted that ENFJs need constant approval from other people in order to feel satisfied and happy. If this is not forthcoming, the ENFJ may burn out very quickly and move to another career path or project.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I am glad to have pursued a hobby in writing and also dabbled in event planning but the one that is giving me the most joy now is writing in WordPress! 🙂

A Birthday Letter from Yesteryear

I was purging out old letters from my mailbox and I chanced upon this birthday letter sent by an old suitor (a good few years back) who by far has the most moving words I can only imagine. Wherever you are, I wish you all the kindest the world has to offer you dear one.

*

Dear Madam,                                                                                                        July 4, 2011

I most sincerely wish not to have embarrassed you as such before but I must have

your attention drawn. My feelings will not be suppressed nor will they be laughed at.

I assure you Madam, that I will bow and take my leave with much unsupported

willingness immediately, after I see you open this humbled letter.

 

I see I am not a gentleman of your exquisite taste nor am I a man worth your time but I

am a man honest with himself. I will not stand by and watch you walk away with accusing

me as a horrible fiend when you believe the lie as the truth. I know not how your community

see me as, nor do I care for what they see in me. Your opinions of my conceitedness and

arrogance is by far the greatest flaws I see in me. I cannot thank you more for pointing that

ugly truth of my imperfection to me. However much I hate that side, I cannot simply discard

them for they are what that makes me human.

 

If I may be so bold as to ask for your hand a second time, will you grace me a desirable

answer or would you turn your head in scorn? However, worry no Madam for I will never

ask again. You have my word. I have never felt this way about a woman nor have I felt such

strong feelings since the massacre of my family. I am a beast that  was shaped from the

cruelties of life and the sneering scornful community of the ton. Oh yes, a beast! A fiend! A

horrible arrogant man! That’s who and what I am or so the society believe. Now, believe as

you like for I have defended my honor to my best capabilities.

 

You however, are a beauty to behold. A blossoming rose in a garden of thorns. Graceful

and beautiful… Grace and femininity, you symbolize them perfectly. No, I do not flatter nor

do I praise but I speak the truth as I see it.

 

Forgive me if I have been brash and foul in this letter but I know not the flowery language

to woo you well. I am not a man of communication nor am I a man of such eloquence. I

understand your fury for having been proposed by such un-mannered man.

 

But I pray and wish you the best in life for perhaps you will meet a man of your taste. A man

of your fairy tale, a prince charming, who commands grace and eloquence unlike me who

commands the silent thunder, power and loyalty.

 

God bless you in good health.

 

I bid you adieu, Madam. Goodbye forever.

 

 

A Word That Best Describes You :)

Independent: “If you want something done, do it yourself,” is your refrain. Being free and in control of your own destiny is more important to you than anything.

goldfish jumping out of the water

There is absolutely nothing more than a streak of independence that is deeply-embedded within me that screams for freedom from as long as I can remember.

What’s yours? Hit http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/word-best-describes-find-1-minute.html to find out!

WEEK 3: Self Love & Worthiness

Day 11:

Forgiveness. It’s time to start forgiving yourself for mistakes you’ve made, ‘wrong’ decisions you’ve taken and ‘right’ ones you haven’t. If you want to be happy and more energetic, you’ve got to DUMP the baggage you’re carrying around!

Lighten the load on your back, neck, shoulders and heart as you let go of anything that’s not serving you. It doesn’t belong in your bright, gorgeous, happy and fulfilling life 🙂

What will you forgive yourself for and move on from today? 

Be gentle with yourself – this is NOT an invitation to beat yourself up, it’s an invitation to free yourself. Confidence comes from seeing mistakes and failures as a part of life, and not making them mean something negative about *you* as a person.

I’m excited to see what you’re saying goodbye to so please do share 🙂

Forgiveness

There are definitely many mistakes that I have made throughout the course of the twenty over years of my life and most of them led me to where I am now.  Among those mistakes that I have made, they have to revolve around my wrong choices in choosing a partner or what my girlfriends call it, Mr Right Now.

I had a tumultuous and tempestuous long-term relationship with a schoolmate which ended acrimoniously during my graduation and that had definitely left the greatest impact in my life thus far. It has taught me not to trust others too easily and to never give 100% of my time and effort to one man only until he is the one with whom I will call my husband.

Alas, I am a trusting person. I trust others truly easily so it’s little wonder that I never seemed to learn from that painful chapter in my life. I had sudden but brief exposures to suicide, abuse and also betrayal that I never thought I would actually come out of the chapter alive and virtually unscathed. Thankfully, I have been blessed with a tight knit of friends who have seen me in my biggest ups and greatest downfalls and are not afraid to help me up when the going gets tough.

Many, many failed relationships later, I vowed not to love another man anymore as I fear that another heartbreak will crucify my sanity but I guess my current love managed to overcome that aspect of me. With him (as how I was with my previous ex-boyfriends), I was completely transparent with my past. I told him all the nasty things I have done, all the rebellion inside of me that’s hungry to be set free and also, the hope that by being honest, he would be able to accept me with all of my imperfections. He remained quiet throughout the bouts of episodes that I throw tantrums and confided my deepest secrets. Not once did he questioned my reasons for doing what I did. In fact, he never raised his voice at me. I thought that was weird as I was used to being hurled abuse by the ex-boyfriend that it took a long time to understand that…

It’s okay not to hurt another person verbally or physically. It is the right thing to not lay a hand on anyone. Inflicting pain on another person is downright wrong.

I thought our relationship was destined to doom eventually but… Close to four years of friendship and three years of love later, he still tells me everyday that he loves me unconditionally and that regardless of what mistakes I have done in the past as it doesn’t matter to him. What matters to him is the current me and the future me that he wants to plan a future with. I guess that is where the forgiveness came from.

I learnt to forgive when I was shown the right to forgive myself in the eyes of another and to me, that is the greatest gift I can ask from anyone for myself. Forgiveness for myself is a healing experience. It was a long, long time coming but I am glad I opened myself up to this healing process. It is as though all the negativity and disappointment perish to make way to something greater than holding back. Since my birthday is coming in a few days,  I am going on another path to forgive my past 25 years of mistakes that I have yet to find the time to forgive and heal.

I hope you readers will feel the power that forgiveness has on you.
It truly feels like a miracle.
Good vibes everyday everyone!

🙂

WEEK 2: Intuition, Confidence, Vibe Raisers!

Day 9:

The happiest, most fulfilled and successful people in the world are guided by an inner knowing. Today, make at least one decision from your gut.

It could be as simple as deciding what to wear this morning / evening, following a sudden desire to go out for a walk, taking a different route to work, not thinking about what to eat for lunch but letting the answer pop out, blurting something that’s on your mind etc.

Don’t worry about getting it wrong, just act purely on impulse.

Share your experience / journal / reflect on it / email!

*

Regardless of how negative the incident that evolved from my initial gut feeling of having a meal at a location different from the norm, I harbor no ill- intentions nor regret toward my gut as at the end of the day, I know I wasn’t doing anything morally wrong. I will continue to trust my gut feeling regardless of how negative the result is as at least I am standing on my on two feet and isn’t reliant on others to validate me.

Afraid

My gut feeling today was to have lunch outside the compounds of my office to soak in the afternoon sunshine and I am baffled to know that my decision to have an otherwise-perfect solo lunch turned out to be a disappointment when I was asked to vacate the little spot I had on a a little concrete slab on the outskirts of the office building mainly because ” it isn’t nice for the ballroom guests to see you eating here.”

😦

Mind you, the ballroom was a good 40 metres away.

😦

Why did the comment upset me you may ask? Mainly because I have started eating a good ten minutes before I was stopped and ironically, the last few days I spotted a few foreigners sitting on the concrete slab next to me and having a meal there for many days.

😦

Maybe it was sheer bad luck that I was stopped but granted that I was in the security’s point-of-view, I would never chased a person away while he or she is having a decent meal. I mean granted that I am at the wrong place and at the wrong time, I believe being a little bit flexible would go a long way as I already promised not to eat there anymore. I wouldn’t have thought of eating there had there not be a person who has eaten at that same spot before.

😦

Such a disappointing moment as the manner the issue was solved wasn’t in its ideal manner. Worse, the hotel security guy even directed me to the wrong level to have my meal and that felt like the final nail to the coffin. I had to walk aimlessly through three levels to find a suitable spot away from the ballroom guests as ” it isn’t nice for the ballroom guests to see me eating there.”

😦

This is prove that if a properly-trained customer-oriented person is trained to handle such negative issues with a little dose of good humor, this matter wouldn’t have escalated to this extent. Although my consolation was that the fried belacan rice that I brought from home was absolutely delicious, this negative incident has definitely left a bad note at the back of my throat. Am I satisfied? No. Will I complain? No. Will I share with the ones close to me? Yes as good service (irrespective of situation) isn’t necessarily taught; it’s either you have it or you don’t. This gentleman obviously doesn’t.

😦

Bucket List of Places to Go!

I would like to add these 19 gorgeous libraries across the world into my bucket list of libraries that I would like to see and visit at least once in my lifetime.

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/photos/gorgeous-libraries-around-the-world-1387793545-slideshow/gorgeous-libraries-from-around-the-world-photo-1386086481374.html

On top of that, granted the luxury of time and excess pockets of money, I would love to visit these beautiful wonders of the world (not in the official list):

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/photos/extraordinary-world-phenomenons-slideshow/lightning-striking-grand-canyon-photo–1618297586.html

And also, a must is to go and visit…

Machu Picchu,

Machu Picchu!

Seychelles,

Seychelles

Hanging Gardens of Babylon,

Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Santorini,

Santorini

Burj Al Arab,

Burj Al Arab

as they have stolen my heart way back when I was studying them in Tourism Geography back in SHATEC. Ideally would be to visit all 21 wonders of the ancient, current and future wonders of the world! Insha Allah, AMIN!

🙂

WEEK 1: Values and Perspectives

Day 3:

 

1) Close your eyes and think about a peak experience in your life – when you were truly happy, feeling good, on top of the world. It could be when you were a child, a teen, an adult, doesn’t matter.

2) Now, relive the experience: What’s been happening? Where are you & what are you doing? Feeling? Who is around? What’s making you smile about this moment? Use all your senses to really immerse yourself in the experience you are remembering.

3) What is the essence or quality that you feel most? Joy? Accomplishment? Peace? Love? Freedom? Fulfillment? 

Now, with this word in mind, allow an image or symbol to come to you, that represents this feeling. Don’t worry if nothing comes to you immediately, just focus on the feeling and sensations in your body instead and make a note of them.

There are one too many experiences in my life that can be considered a peak experience. I will just relive the happiness that I felt yesterday when I was enroute to the gym. I had this surge of excitement even though I was lacking sleep from the night before from all the excitement of the World Cup.

Sometimes it’s really funny how one can actual find the happiness in the simplest of  ideas and I guess it had been a long time coming since I was so happy to be able to gym on a beautiful Sunday even though it was raining particularly heavy when I was enroute gym. I even had this sentenced muttered when I was walking to the gym,

“Rain all you want God, all the rain isn’t going to stop me from going to the gym!” 🙂

Gym

Upon reaching the gym, I was in ultra high spirits! I greeted everyone in the gym like the usual gym-rats and also strike a long conversation with the gym receptionist! When I was beginning my workouts, I had the bubbliness and a smile that was infectious! I couldn’t stop smiling as I was truly happy to my core knowing that I made the effort to go to the gym even when it was a Sunday and I am taking small but necessary steps to nourish my body better than before I started gym awhile back! Maybe that is how it was like to be radiating happiness but I totally love it!

Happiness; in its totality was what I felt. The sensation that I feel? It felt as though I was basking in a ray of sunshine. I felt warm and fuzzy inside as though I was experiencing the first sight of my love. As what my mantra is now, good vibes good vibes!

🙂

Father.

In a way the writer in the article below is “relatable” given the similarities in the way we grow up and how we are spending this year’s Father’s Day without our old man celebrating with us as they are busy lapping up the good stuff in Heaven. truthfully-speaking, her experiences strike a cord with me given that both our late fathers are thrifty and the wisest people on Earth.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140612141140-176887622-father-s-day-financial-advice?fromEmail=fromEmail&trk=eml-ced-b-art-M-2-9099547925662416795&midToken=AQGtR8mnjcNLQQ&ut=1zsusQ07jQNmg1

Reading her article makes me miss Papa a fair bit but I know Papa is doing  just fine in Heaven with all his favorite people around. Even the 3 Bujang Lapok bachelors (if you are acutely aware of old-Malaya actors from Jalan Ampas) are in Heaven too so, Heaven is definitely a fun place to be in now.

Bujang Lapok

Missing you always Papa, take care and lots of love from your baby girl.

XX

WEEK 1: Values and Perspectives

Day 2 prompt:

So how was the values exercise for you? On a scale of 1-10, are you living life or making decisions aligned with your values? 

Today, let’s play the Eagle & Ant game! Take a current challenge / issue you have and look at it from close up like an Anty Antikins (BE the Ant).

Now, move back further.. further… further … till you’re an Elegant Eagle in the sky and look at it again. What happens? What do you see, hear, feel, think in each situation?

If inspired, choose a perspective to be in today and look at everything from that angle.

Write, talk about it, think, or share in the FB group. There’s no one way to do this, just YOUR way.

On a scale from 1- 10, I believe I am doing a 7 in aligning myself  with my values. The values exercise has helped me realize that all along, I have been holding on to the same set of values and it is a great feeling knowing that I am grounded by a similar set of  values all along. At least I know I am in no way swaying between sides and is not sure what drives me.

🙂

I have a few challenge that I would like to overcome in the next coming months and years. The short-term goal that I would like to overcome is to increase my fitness for the coming months to be a better, leaner and fitter version of myself. In all honesty, I do feel overwhelmed when I think about the huge investment I am going to put myself in for the next few months to continue to dedicate my free time to changing my lifestyle for the better with the inclusion of fitness in my day-to-day motion. I guess that is where Anty Antikins come into play?

There are times that I feel the easiest way out is the best way to do things but as I grew older, I have come to realize that easy does not always gets things done. Even if it does, there’s a high chance that I am not satisfied with the end result.

However, if I do take a step back and be an Elegant Eagle, I believe I can do a fabulous job of working my butt off at the gym with that grueling course. I am not sweating for a wedding in the near future but I am excited to know that I am doing my part to nourish my body with the right fitness and eating lifestyle so that the future-old me won’t have to worry so much about her health and instead, be able to live life to the fullest. I have been gym-ing the last two years and I know I can incorporate gym into my current work-life schedule. I just need to be persistent and be able to see through my goals till the end of the course cycle and hopefully, repeat the cycle for as long as I am able to.

🙂

I’m feeling the excitement, I shall strive to have the excitement burst out of all of my activities today and hopefully, shape up to an exciting mid-week! Here’s wishing everyone a happy and exciting week ahead as well. Lots of love!

Success!

WEEK 1: Values and Perspectives

Day 1 prompt: 

Values Mining! List your top 5 values, the ones that matter the most to you – if you’ve never done this before, just brain dump and start writing everything you can think of, then pick the 5 that resonate most. If you’ve done it before, revisit your top values and see if they still resonate or if they’ve changed.

 

Perhaps I will share with you what are the few values that I hold close to my heart before I start shortlisting the 5 that I am going to choose for my course.

Accomplishment

Activeness

Adventure

Affection

Ambition

Balance

Calmness

Change

Chastity

Cleanliness

Comfort

Commitment

Compassion

Confidence

Conservation

Consistency

Courtesy

Decisiveness

Devotion

Discipline

Drive

Empathy

Encouragement

Elegance

Energy

Entertainment

Environmentalism

Ethics

Excitement

Faith

Family

Fascination

Fashion

Fidelity

Financial Independance

Fitness

Frankness

Frugality

Fun

Generosity

Gregariousness

Growth

Happiness

Health

Honesty

Honor

Hospitality

Humour

Hygiene

Imagination

Independance

Inspiration

Joy

Liveliness

Love

Loyalty

Marriage

Maturity

Motivation

Nature

Neatness

Open-mindness

Optimism

Patience

Passion

Peace

Perfection

Perserverance

Persistence

Piety

Pleasure

Practicality

Pride

Privacy

Professionalism

Prudence

Relaxation

Sensuality

Serenity

Sexiness

Shrewdness

Sincerity

Spontaneity

Stability

Strength

Support

Temperance

Thrift

Trust

Truth

Uniqueness

Vitality

Warmheartedness

Wisdom

(Extracted from: http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/list-of-values.htm)

As I read and write the few values that resonate in my life, I can clearly see how that my values tend to fall under similar categories and I am glad they do! Or else I will have a hard time shortlisting them to the top 5.

With that, I have decided to shortlist the values to these 5:

Independance

Love

Happiness

Fitness

Thrift

I would gladly add 5 more to include family, trust, pleasure, practicality and growth though.

🙂

PS: Stay tuned for Day 2 tomorrow!