9491th Day.

As my birthday concluded last night, I sneaked a chance today to reflect on things since I was busting the calories at the gym today. I can’t be more grateful to be 26 now that I am where I am and surrounded by the people who truly mattered. I know it hadn’t been an easy journey to turn 26, in fact I never envisioned living past 25 as I thought it is funny to plan for a life I am not sure of.

But God has been ever so Forgiving and I am thankful to wake up and be blessed enough to savor another day  with the family and the ones that matter the most to me.

The last two days had been a wonderful experience. In fact, it had been the best and definitely most memorable experience of a birthday well-spent. The only glitch? That four of my closest loves could not attend my birthday dinner with me.

Memories

One, Dad.

It is my first birthday without Papa and as much as I am glad that he no longer is in pain, missing him is undeniable. I am sure Mama had it harder than I do but the feeling of losing never seemed to go away does it? There are days I will stare hard at his portrait on my table and tell him that I miss seeing him smile. That sometimes seeing a photo of him smiling wide isn’t enough to make me miss him any lesser. I am not the most religious of Muslims but I do save a prayer for you as much as I can as you totally deserve it Daddy dear. I know you are watching me every step of the day as my guardian angel and I know that is comforting as I know I am safe in your protection in the eyes of God.

Two, Murugiah Komala.

The best friend is down with the sniffles and is out of action the last few days. Babe! Feel better soon please! I am craving for The Pizza Place dinner with you 🙂

Three, Maris Stella Djuli.

The other best friend who is in town with her gorgeous son BUT we can’t seemed to find the proper time and day to meet up for ngabuburit. 😦 See you soon my dear! Hopefully I can sneak back to Jakarta some time end of the year or early next year to see you and finally try out your home-cooking! 🙂

Four, Reaus.

I know this year had been a tough one for you with your Mum’s passing and in the deepest corners of my heart, I yearn to be close to you as before. However, I can only hope and wish for that to happen as our friendship is not one that is taken easily by your partner and I am deeply saddened to have to consider staying away so long as he remains your partner. I missed those days that we will call and catch up with each other over anything and everything under the sun and just laugh the moments away. I fondly remembered sneaking to WCP to surprise you one fine night and drop off a cake for you and your colleagues at work. I tell the love how sad it is like to watch a friendship disintegrate slowly but I do believe that perhaps some friendships can’t blossom due to reasons only God will know. I do have you in my prayers everyday. I pray that you will always remain safe in God’s protection and that you will continue to be strong when the going gets tough.

Play

I used to grow up regretting why certain things don’t end the way that I want to. But as I  blew my 26th candle yesterday, I resolute to never regret those missed chances and failed attempts. I strive to live a greater life everyday and to seize whatever opportunities I have every day to make my day better and happier for myself and those that matter around me. I believe God has His reasons, we just need to live through those bad decisions and make better ones for the greater future. 🙂

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My Greatest Blessings,

Komi Martian:
For being the longest BFF in the world. You weren’t always there-there 24/7 but during my most terrible of days, you were there. We can’t be more different from each other, remember we started out as total enemies? Haha, those were the good days and even our tastes in boys are exceptionally poles apart. No matter the difference, I still love you no less babe. From 2001 till date.

Rajan Chandra:
For being the good friend turned pen pal. I’ve known you as long as I’ve known Komi but considering that we are approximately 1500 miles away from each other, it’s amazing to know you still remember my birthday and still make the effort to fly back to this tiny island twice in the last two years. Soon enough, I’ll move my ass over to Bondi beach, promise.

HobiBelanja Maris Stella Djuli:
I’ve known you since 2005 and although you’ve made your journey back to Medan to start a family, not a day goes by without me thinking about our many many dates together. Whether it was to the movies, for a round of drinks, for another pair of C&K shoes or Mel bag, a chocolate buffet, hang out at each other’s cribs; basically the only things girlfriends do when they know and don’t judge each other beyond our superficial talk. When Grams passed away, you were with me through her passing even though you were having classes and also I was half of the person I am now, you never stopped being my shoulder to cry on. We’ve not met since your wedding in 2010 but hopefully, we’ll meet up soon enough and I’ll get to meet the other man in your life, Edmund 🙂

Edward Reaus Cullen / Hubby #1:
You were prolly the one who shaped me into the extrovert person I am now. You convinced me enough to dump my glasses for contact lenses and look where I am now? You’ve instilled enough confidence in me that you can be a life coach as your zest for life is immensely intoxicating. Your thoughts moved me in McDonald’s, your texts added the smiles to my life and our dates are always full of sentimental memories we both won’t give up the world for. You changed my 2010 days with Mac’s & even till date, I never regretted making that cup of hot milo for you (which resulted in you getting into an argument with your then lover who went on a jealous rage!) During my break-ups, you were there, pulling me together and ensuring I didn’t fall further apart. You gave me strength when I found out the ex was a douchebag and you were on my side when he appeared with a comeback. I love you lah, you are like my biggest supporter, thank you sweets.

Darling Sunshine Izwan Hubby bi BOO:
Who knew the one person I always, always confide in when it comes to good-looking customers walking in-store turns out to be the one man I am totally head over heels in love with? Only God knows what changed me to turn you from a mere acquaintance in the same company to the man I hope to build a future with. It’s amazing how two years ago, you were seen in a different light and two years on, I can’t quite imagine waking up one morning without you in it. Maybe because by God’s grace, he pushed you to want to be there for me when Daddy was hospitalised for a month. Maybe that one month changed alot about my perception of you. After all, you were there every single day. When Daddy wasn’t conscious, to when I was falling apart by his bedside, when I had to be Mummy’s strength; you were my backbone, holding my hand steering me forward and ensuring that I don’t fall on my already-wobbly feet. I can’t imagine what it would be without you there, after all, back then, you were just a friend to me. I guess that episode made me realised many things; that life is fragile, that when you see something this special, you don’t let them go. Thank you dear, for yesterday today and also for tomorrow. Four lifetimes remember? 😉

*

God, thank you for these blessings I would give up my life for.

The X Files

Being on MC actually made me go all Inspector Curious on things which usually don’t bother me much. I googled things related to my past and that includes my past friends who don’t made it to the present and of course, the exes who got dumped along the way. Among all my ex-boyfriends, I’ve always maintained a good rapport with all of them.

All but one.

Funny but as much as I am dying to see him in person and acknowledge how he’s been like post-me, I have yet to have the luck to even see him despite hanging around his area often enough. Maybe God granted this as a blessing since I’ve not exactly come across face-to-face with him since our break-up in 2008 and I guess I should thank my lucky stars a million times over. I guess looking upon him online just brings me to the question,

“Who is his next prey after I left?”

After all, life with him as far as I remembered wasn’t all rosy and great. We had our ups & downs but nevertheless, I thanked him for the three years where he taught me enough life lessons to bring forth to my future.

*

He taught me never to trust people easily;
even if that means not trusting the one you love the most.

He taught me to be careful with my money;
Lord I was able to lavish him with so many things with my then paltry internship allowance of $700. Now earning thrice of that also sometimes isn’t enough for lavishing on myself sometimes. Heh heh 🙂

He taught me that if you love someone enough, you’ll do anything and everything for that person just to make them happy;
even if it means leaving behind your family to co-habit and be a part of his. Funny ‘cos my parents never scolded me even when I stayed over at his place or treated my own home like a hotel.

He taught me that even bad people have their good side;
he nursed me back to health when I was down with high fever and even drove me to the polyclinic in the wee hours of the morning & made me home-made chicken soup & feed me my medicine on-time, everytime.

He taught me that material wants don’t compensate the lack of happiness in one’s life;
he gave me a car, hoping to use it to propose to me but I being the smart one knew that saying yes to the proposal won’t guarantee me a lifetime of happiness. Maybe, a lifetime of debt instead.

He taught me that in any relationship, there has to be a two-way street;
Anything he asked for, I granted them all as though I am a Fairy Godmother with a secret pocket of magic gifts. I kept on giving in to his demands, there has to be a time when that ends, right?

He taught me that if the guy really loves you, he won’t hurt you in anyway;
he did, one way at a time throughout the three years I was with him. You name them, I’ll definitely say he’s done them all.

He taught me to stay independent regardless of situation;
I was financially independent since I was 15 and when I was with him, I was also supporting him and his spendings. Post break-up, I’ve grown to be more careful with my spendings. I spend wonders on people who actually matters the world to me instead of some dirt guy whose just there to take all your savings away for some gadget to fix on his BMW.

He taught me that if a guy tries to change you to what he wants you to be, he doesn’t love you the way you are;
He changed me from a girly girl to a tee & jeans ensemble girl so that I won’t look appealing to other guys and banned me from wearing make-up. What did I do? I listened for three whole years – the things you do for love is endless.

He taught me that short guys not necessarily are the humble lot as compared to the tall guys;
aside from some short guys I’ve dated, most of them actually have huge egos compared to their vertically perfect counterparts. They prolly can just compensate their lack of height by being awesome in bed? But still not enough compensation for me.

*

So why am I bringing up the X files again you may ask?

Well, I just happened to chance upon his profile after my BFF casually mentioned he tried adding her via FB so curiosity indeed killed me (read: the cat). Heh, well anyway, I see that he’s going serious with a girl who happens to be one of my seniors in SHATEC. Boy, the world is such a huge place and you still turn to look into your past to find love? Funny, funny. Well I have to say she definitely looks more like a sweet pie as compared to me, she’s got the perfect Indian eyes he always digs in a girl and but of all, she’s slightly shorter than him. Perhaps she’s got the housewife character he wants in a woman? The one who sits at home everyday and looks pretty while the husband is the only one who works and support the family? Good on them, I do wish her luck and hopefully if they do end up settling down, he’ll treat her right and not let history repeat itself.

I was able to set myself free as I made a choice to choose my source of happiness wisely.

I’m not sure if this girl will be able to do that.

Blowing Twenty-Three Candles

This is my 23rd year on Planet Earth and although I’d wished I had a better way of celebrating the minute the clock strikes midnight of July 5th, I can’t be more thankful that:

  1. I had a guy waited for me patiently to get home from my mega-splurge in town with a bouquet of colored tissue flowers folded into 23 pink and red flowers – I love only real sunflowers, I hate roses and one reason why I prefer not to get real flowers for any occasion is simply because the flowers look abso awful when they start to wilt and dry out. Paper flowers suit me just fine (it may seem childish to most but hey, five years on, does your bouquet of expensive tulips last as long as my hand-made flowers? I doubt it)
  2. I had a long-time friend from Oz fly across the Indian Ocean to celebrate a surprise birthday dinner with me. Tell me, how many of you are as lucky as that? A friend is not a friend until he / she flies across the globe just to be there for you on your momentous birthday.
  3. I had an old flame leave a box of trinkets he picked up along the way which reminded him of me. So we parted due to unforseen circumstances but there’s nothing to stop him from sharing the birthday joy with me, right?
  4. I have my BFF from Medan send me a text on time for my birthday, every single year without fail.
  5. I have the Martian BFF sing me a birthday song over the phone. Sure she was late by a good 13 hours but really, what mattered was the fact that she still remembered, ten years into the friendship.
  6. I had a crew save her wages to get me a lovely perfume just because she wants me to smell as good as I always do, everyday.
  7. I had so many people coming up to me wishing me a happy birthday, some include people whom I don’t even recognize!
  8. I celebrated my birthday with a mega-bash at Dbl-O with my closest friends in Macs and they made me feel even more greater than a princess with a flurry of kisses and hugs and smiles all night long!

*

It was a memorable birthday, can easily top the ones that I’ve had previously. I can never thank Him enough for the Angels he sent to protect and love me the way I am.

🙂

Rain Doesn’t Last Forever

Sometimes in life, you sit and wait that hopefully your patience will be rightfully paid for in due time. Then there are other times when you wake up one fine morning and decide that enough of waiting is done and you ought to move on to other more fruitful and better things in life. Just as I went through that very revelation, He opened up more doors to greater opportunities for me both in career and love and as whole, my life.

He taught me that should I soldier on, I will reap the rewards however long they take. I learn that time is a great healer and also a great test of the willed heart. Sometimes along the road at work, I wished I was banged down by a truck as I find the pressure immensely out of control. Although I kept wishing that happens each time I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I’m remotely thankful I am still alive and kicking. People say, just wait and you’ll pull through but little do they actually know what I feel deep inside waiting for something at the end of the tunnel; something I have no inkling is but somehow promises a happy ending for me.

“Rain doesn’t last forever”

.. reads the tiny motivational sticker I fixed on my EZ-Link in my favorite shade of purple. It helps to be a daily reminder that tough times don’t last but tough people do if I don’t give up.

If I don’t give up. The if can either make you or break you. Trust me, it has nearly broken me a million times before but I don’t know what keeps me going anymore. Maybe going through the same cycle and not taking a moment to resign to fate helps. One year ago, my perception of things differ greatly from now. Sure, I feel much more independent considering that I am able to leave home and not return for many days and my old folks won’t worry too much about me ‘cos they know I know I can take care of myself.

I check-in to hotels on a whim using my own hard-earned dollars just to feel that the hard-work I put at work is justified. I spoil myself silly with endless pedicures and makeovers that a three-figure bill don’t matter as much as before. I collect action figurines for the nephew and wait every single week just to make sure he gets the whole collection and be the envy of his peers even though he has a toy far greater and expensive than my figurines; he owns an iPad II by the way. I drive all the way West just so that Mum & Dad gets to taste their fave Bread at IMM. I surprise my friends by popping by their places or while at work just because I feel like it.

I guess doing all these things for the ones you love helps alot to make sure I survive another gruelling day at work. Sure, I lost focus along the way but didn’t lose too much that I am fairly back on track now. It sucks ‘cos I’m doing it at the expense of love but if it’s fated to happen, I shan’t try acting God here. I’m glad things happened the way they did and I am most definitely looking forward to my future at a different place, starting from ground zero come mid-August 2011.

Insha-Allah, it will happen; my first big breakthrough in my career.

Unjustified

Perhaps I overreacted last night. I know this is different from the last one and I shouldn’t judge him to be like the last. I’m sorry Big Bear I made you worry so much. I woke up this morning minus the feeling of uneasiness of what’s next to come between us. Instead, I woke up feeling as though he was there with me through the night, hugging me to sleep with his warm embrace and the soothing melancholy of his voice.

“It’s going to be okaye, baby. We’ll work things out.”

Insha-Allah, if this is it then we’ll see each other through thick and thin, together.

My Soulmate’s 22nd

If there is one person whom I treat as more than a best friend, she’s the one.

If there is such a thing as a true epitomy of a best friend, she’s the one.

If I was the sun, she would be the moon.

If I were black, she would be my white.

If she was a boy, I would most definitely marry her.

If I see the whole world turning against me, I know she’d be there to back me up.

If you treat a friend as family, she’d be my closest twin, or better still, my other half.

*

She’s my cheerleader, best friend, confidante, gossip-monger, brains, my lesser evil and so much more.

She’s gone through many ups and even more downs with me.

And the best part, she’s still there to see the rise and the fall of me when I was dating so many guys in the past.

She stick through it all and never did she once passed a judgment on me and my grave mistakes.

She was the only one who was there when I watched my grandmother being carried off for burial.

At the penultimate point that I thought I was going to die seeing my grandmother embark on her final journey, this wonderful soul was there with her mother and they offered me what great solace at the darkest and bleakest point of my 2009.

They stood at my balcony as they see me muster a weak smile.

Trust me when I say, I still remember those vivid memories like it was yesterday.

When I thought I was going to crumble and die, she was there.

And at the end of the day, she’s still here.

She’s the BFF I can’t live without.

We are like two peas in a pod, all too similar yet very much different in everything.

Be it, taste of music, boys (especially!), study choices, career paths, family and even mindset.

We never quite agree on liking similar things as far as I can remember.

🙂

Almost a decade worth of friendship and we still never seem to get sick of each other.

Funny how when our friendship started, we began as sworn-enemies since we both were gunning for top spot in tests.

I guess like the all-too-familiar quote was true for me: If you can’t beat them, you join them.

So I joined her league of extraordinary school results group and like what people say, the rest is history.

*

Today’s date marks her special 22nd Birthday.

I know I’m not there to plant that birthday surprise at your door with a balloon in hand nor a cookie cake in tow like last year but I really wish you’ll have a blast of a birthday as you move one step closer to adulthood, the working world and also the whole spectrum of unknown surprises God has planned for you.

Find a date and we shall head to Sentosa for your special birthday surprise.

Trust me, it’ll be something worth waiting for for this lifetime.

Consider it a special birthday treat for the special best friend.

🙂

With much, much, much alien love,

yours truly.

The Breath of Fresh Air

I know in life, we make certain decisions that we may think is right at that point in time. One of the decisions I felt I made was one of my wisest ever thus far is the decision to be extremely picky when it comes to friends. Sure, I’ve been burnt many times over the years by friends who claimed to be there for you when you are down in the pits but they end up leaving you to your own laurels when you are down there and basically that taught me this valuable lesson in friendship.

I made it a point to screen and filter my friends and only allow those who have withstood the test of time and patience over the years so much so that I can easily say, I have only three best friends who know me inside out and very few casual friends.

Coming into McDonald’s has changed me entirely.

I am forced to walk away from my comfort zone of 3 best friends and embrace those random strangers you will meet on the street and acknowledge them. I meet old fiends who left me behind and have them come up to me asking me out for a cuppa coffee. I meet super-duper long-lost friends whom I’ve lost touch ever since my kindergarten days and also, I meet new friends who I see a potential future friendship with. Honestly, being a self-introverted person and having to change to be someone super-friendly to just about anyone took me quite a while to master.

Looking back, yes I will still say sticking to my favorite 3 best friends to spend good times and bad with was a good decision but now that I’ve reached this stage of maturity, I know in the long-run, it will do me more harm than good to just have three friends all my life. I want to be inspired by others more than anything else. I want to see the world through other people’s eyes and try to understand why they do certain things and think a certain way. I want to get to know what makes other people different from me and hopefully, skim out their bad habits and invigorate myself with their good.

I’m twenty-two (barely adult you may say) but I do feel as though age has wisened me up a hell lot. Believe me when I say that things I did when I was 17 versus now differ vastly and I will never have the impulsiveness to match them now. But age does change things, at least in my opinion. If you allow yourself to grow at your own pace instead of trying to grow up too fast, you will encounter this change I am going through. Believe me. I find myself drawn to know more about others and things like talking to random strangers while at work is such an ease now that I can’t imagine what a life I would have if I hadn’t traveled the McDonald’s path. I would prolly be someone who is stuck in her past, vehemently refusing to move on with her future. Someone constantly unhappy with herself for her wrong choices in life.

I am not saying that to be someone better, you have to join McDonald’s.

No.

It’s just that I am blessed enough to find my better self after I joined McDonald’s. It’s a blessing in disguise. I’m a whole new person now because McDonald’s changed me as a person. So don’t bother asking me why a top scholar from Shatec Institutes end up working with McDonald’s while my other school peers are excelling in their choice universities.

I’ll ask you back,

“Why not ?”

McDonald’s changed me;
McDonald’s make me believe that the stars are not all that impossible to achieve.

Does your university teach you that ?

The Adventures of Commuting

The other day, I came across a life-changing moment when I was commuting to work. I was heading to board the train when a dark-skinned dude wearing a lovely purple graphic tee walked past me. Thereafter, I was smitten and was lapping up his presence like a crazy dog high on rabies.

*

One, he was an Indian boy prolly in his early twenties – I scream gaga over Indians !

Two, he was wearing a purple tee – I dig purple and what more Indian guys wearing purple ? Martian’s so not liking this post, I so can tell

😀

Three, he looked dashing. Well, at least that’s what his side profile looked like to me; ultimate perfection. He has a healthy dosage of pimples (not too perfect to the point that he looked like a SNAG) but not too much to make him look like a volcano-laden mess either – just nice.

Four, he was of the perfect height. Not too tall nor short, slightly taller than me say 1.7o cm ?

… and the fifth and most likely to have caused me to completely hallucinated rainbow nights in his arms is, … his scent !

He absolutely smelt DIVINE  although I have no idea what cologne he was using !

:O

O:

:O

O:

:O

That’s me with my mouth wide-opened X 5.

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Trust me to come up with such a detailed breakdown on the perfect commuting adventure just from a chanced 7 seconds encounter.

Colored Ribbons & Confetti

What I want for my 22nd birthday is (by the way, we are approximately four months and eight days away!):

The perfectly wrapped present!

It has been ages since I last received a perfectly wrapped present from someone hence it’ll be awesome if I do get one wrapped in the most beautiful wrapping paper and is full of evidence that it is wrapped with lots of love.

🙂

However, even if the content is secondary, I will continue to list my birthday list closer to the date so keep a lookout okaye lovelies!

The Likes

Here is a list of the things that I like from a third person’s point of view…

🙂

She likes to wake up bright and early in the morning and smell the fragrant smell of freshly cut grass; it invigorates her senses and calms her soul simultaneously. Cigarette smoke is a sure-fire way to wake her up with a bad, bad morning sinus ; be prepared for her black face in the morning when that happens.

She likes to give presents whether it is that person’s birthday or not; there’s something special knowing you made someone break into their biggest smile for the week.

She likes to indulge in chocolate and cocktails but have converted to a 100% chocolate fan after giving up the bottle when her grandmother passed away last year. Her favorite chocolate is white chocolate, second is milk chocolate but she is anti-bitter chocolate; she doesn’t have the “atas” nature to be appreciate them.

She likes rainy days but wishes she has the Wellies to wear them out. One day she intends to go to Britain to get her own pair to go along with her dream Burberry trench coat so that she can fulfill her childhood dream of singing in the rain. It’s the childhood days that keeps her happiest, sometimes she wishes it was back to the good ‘ol days.

She likes sitting down over a cuppa two with a favorite friend; that’s her idea of a perfect day out as she treasures her close-knit group of friends and makes every effort within her reach to ensure that quality time is spent together.

She likes window-shopping more than actual shopping as she feels that she hasn’t reached the spending power of being able to spend all her salary away. A life of independence has taught her that to spend on oneself is selfish but to spend on others is the best as if you spend too much on yourself, you will tend to overlook those who mean the world to you. It’s all about a 50-50 balance of everything.

She likes boys and hopes to give birth two a pair of twin boys hopefully as she finds girls annoying and irritating regardless of age. Plus, girls equate to huge-r holes in our pockets since they have to go through the puberty stage and adulthood maturity stage of period and pads. Those are a huge waste of money, seriously with all the feminine pad companies coming up with even better products every other month and expecting us to buy them just ‘cos it is better than last month’s creation. Pffft.

She likes music and spends her awake time with the radio tuned up to her favorite stations and that will be how it remains till she goes to bed. On top of that, she digs singing along to her favorite songs and dances in the comforts of her own private room in her lingerie after a long, hard day at work.

She likes taking photographs as to her, photographs are life’s greatest form of memory should our own brains dysfunction whether due to old age or disease. Also, she likes taking photographs of the entire outing as it’s not only the faces that makes the outing a memorable one; even the food we eat helps to play a role in making us remember the outing even better.

She likes to clean things and clears her junk every few weeks as it is a form of stress-reliever to her. In fact, she thinks she has OCD whereby when she throws things away, she really throws everything away unless it belongs to her brothers or parents. She is sentimental yes, she keeps those little knickknacks from yesteryear but when it comes to junk, her sentimental nature is zilch. It’s practical space over lost emotions, anytime.

🙂

Too much of something isn’t a good thing hence I hope I’ve enlightened you with something new about me today! God Bless!

XOXO

2 0 1 0

Today, as the clock strikes midnight and we usher in the new year, I won’t be joining the throngs of crowds located at the 19 over countdown parties held all around Singapore. Unlike the majority of the Singaporeans out there, I will not be celebrating the dawn of a new year in the company of a thousand and one strangers.

Matter of fact, I am sitting idly at home, waiting for the date clocks around the house to move the year notch from 2009 to 2010. I don’t know, perhaps that is the only kind of celebration that I am seeking this year. And yes, I am spending my new year at home, in the quiet comforts of my Toby and Joby.

(The former is the laptop, the latter is the hamster 🙂 )

I feel very toned down this year as compared to the previous few years where I celebrated the new year with endless fireworks deafening my eyes till and partying till the wee hours of the morning. I feel rather old as compared to the party-going crowd as I have turned down countdown parties planned by the WOW people and some friends as well.  I guess turning 21 has made me become more adult; I have successfully kept to my 2009 resolution to quit the drinking and I am very proud of that as honestly, kicking the habit is the single most hardest thing to curb in my entire life as my weekly schedule revolves heavily on it.

So for this year, I resolute to make it another year that I quit alcohol and also, I would love to be able to carve out a proper career path for myself. Come January 3rd 2010, many things will happen in terms of career-wise and I look forward to it as I think I am ready to put away the past 2009 which was filled with more obstacles than the previous few years. I look forward to better days ahead with the lovely family and although I know the friendships I have now will be severely tested by the distance and time together, I hope the three solid friendships that I have with over in the last few years will be able to withstand the sands of time. Also, I hope the friendships with the other friends be even closer like never before.

Here’s a special dedication to the three most wonderful friends God has bestowed upon me:

To Martian, cheers to the nine-year old friendship, let’s make it to the decade mark next year with a holiday ok? To Hobibelanja, thank you for standing by me from the first day in SHATEC Institutes till now. Also, I really appreciated your presence when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend (and how you offered to come over to my place to be with me then) and when my grandmother passed away (and you stayed with me the entire night and came down straight after school for the funeral); they are all still very fresh in my mind. To Muzzy-Wuzzy, sometimes I think it’s ironic that the boy I tease endlessly happen to actually harbor feelings for me during those school days. Nevertheless, thank you for taking a step out of your comfort zone and being an accidental friend and then some. Looking forward to paaj sal baad!

🙂

Happy New Year 2010 Everyone,
May your new year be filled with nothing but love, love and more love.

XOXO

Five to Christmas

It’s five days to Christmas.

I am coming to terms with the fact that Christmas is like minutes away and 2010 is a day away from now.

Time flies by so fast this month, as compared to the other months that I have yet to be able to take a breather and update my calendar that is threatening to burst at the paper ends from the flurry of activities that I have on year’s end. How has it been for you thus far my lovely friends? Has it been the kind of year you have being dreaming of? Or has it been littered with the numerous likes and dislikes of the days that has gone by? I sincerely hope the year and God has been kind to you, always.

🙂

This year, Christmas will be different as the celebrations will be more muted than the last year’s as I have no home to go to to build the Christmas tree with. I know I am kind of obsessed with Christmas but that’s not due to the religious aspect of it. More like, I see this momentous occasion in the Christian calendar to be a month where majority of the population are nicer to each other and everyone smiles infinitely more than usual. Sometimes I really wish Christmas happens everyday so as to rub off that positivity in everyone’s eyes and hearts more easily. In retrospect, 80% of our years are spent harping over problems at work, mulling over the next paycheque to feed the family and so forth that sometimes we overlook the very things in life which makes the journey all the more sweeter and pleasant. Hence for Christmas this year, I wish to see more happy people around me and I also hope that the happiness stays beyond the coming 2010. After all, smiling never hurts doesn’t it?

*

On a personal level, I am saddened that I can’t decorate any Christmas tree as the good friend I used to decorate trees with has packed her bags and jet off to Melbourne on a self-imposed exile. Don’t ask me why she went there although I feel remotely guilty that I may be the root cause of it. The again, I can’t identify with her situation even up till now since she is not the kind of person I perceived her to be. Not when she claims she is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. There’s something utterly revolting about it but if I were to have friends who turn to their own kind, I will never judge them the way I judge her. Just don’t throw yourselves all over me as even though I have a short pixie crop with the slashes of red hair & is most comfy in jeans and ballerina flats, I am all woman and I don’t fancy dating my own species. I love my men, thank you very much.

On another note, I have yet to be able to celebrate Christmas with one of my good friends since she first stepped afoot in Singapore. Come to think of it, time is getting real short for us these days that meet-ups have been reduced to the X few hours I get to spend with her before she flies back home on a monthly basis. I honestly miss those days where our outings last one entire day and we have those themed outings where we dress-up and head out to elaborate dinners together. I also miss those days when we get to watch a much-anticipated musical at Esplanade and then we chill out at the nearby restaurants thereafter. The days where we spent our after-office hours drinking the night away and rambling on and on about the nasty colleagues are all within an ear-sight that I long to go back to those days when our lives were less complicated and meeting each other was a mandatory part of our weekly schedule.

Moving on to another friend, Martian dear, it has been ages since we last met and I have like 103957847 things to tell you about. Please, please, please tell me that you are done with your exams soon as if not, I will present myself as a Christmas present at your doorstep come Christmas Day.

To another friend, tum mere doost (You know who you are), thank you for being there thus far and seeing me through the ups and downs of my career search since the start of this year. I know you have been pre-occupied with the current National Service stint, that our outings have dwindled to single digits each month, but I appreciate the flexibility to meet me on a whim and just sit down at our favourite park bench and talk the night away and do crazy things together. I honestly don’t know what’s in store for us in the future but having you here with me, whether as a doost or a jaan, makes the thrust into the corporate world less daunting on my part. Our future may seem vague and ambiguous and I really don’t want to put too much strain on the careful friendship plans we have together hence I really seek your understanding on that nay answer to love. I’d prefer to have you be my “friend with benefits” as ultimately, my roving eyes are still not tamed to just one man, yet. It’s not easy as after all, I am in the line of sight of most men who are a good 12 centimeters taller than you. Bleh!

To my other friend who is happily lapping up the Sydney snow just about now, I sincerely hope the holidays will be a welcomed relief for you since you are going to start work soon come January 2010! I am happy for you and I hope to see you real soon on my shores or if the wait gets too long, perhaps I will grace your shores instead… Sometimes I find it amazing how friends who have lost touch for a good few years are still able to reconnect after meeting up all over again. The beauty of a friendship is virtually incomprehensible yeah?

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Anyway, Christmas is the Season of Giving, I hope it will remain as the warmest holidays year in, year out. Here’s to the last-minute shopping and gift-wrapping!

XOXO
🙂

 

Ticking to 2010

We are inching closer to 2010 and it’s a matter of time before we bid farewell to 2009.

This week in particular has been exceptionally hectic for me. From the numerous interviews I have been shortlisted to, to the irregular work hours I have put in at WOW, to the constant applications I have been filling up for a full-time job position to fill up my weekdays, to the outings with the favorite friends, to the errands that I have to run for everyone in the household and so much more.

I guess you may wonder if I do miss my good ol’ days when I was bumming around at home and waking up only at noon and sleeping at some ungodly hour, wouldn’t you? However, I have to say that throughout the entire time I was off the job and study market, I never really found the right time and space to actually just sit down and breathe and take it a day at a time. As far as I can remember, despite being jobless and no longer a student till the distant future, I have not set aside the quality time to spend and reflect on myself and what has happened throughout this entire year.

I have been going on and on everyday, definitely doing something every single hour. Whether it is to change the bedsheets or to go for an interview or to meet a friend for lunch etc, I have done them all. What I have ceased to do thus far is to slack. Yes, perhaps everyone has the notion that if you are not working nor studying, you are merely bumming around, watching reruns of Friends or The Nanny to no end. But really, I think I am here to debunk that stereotype. Not everyone spends their non-working and non-studying days bumming around and I for once, am one of them.

I feel immensely blessed to be granted this block of time to recharge my tired soul and rejuvenate my senses and appreciate everything that has come my way this year. I also am proud to say that the year 2009 has brought me spiritually closer to God and emotionally attached to my family and beloved friends. 2009 also brought along a handful of people whom I don’t wish to meet again whether in this lifetime or the next but I am grateful regardless as they have taught me a lesson or two in life.

If there’s anything I can take away from 2009, it has to be that the year 2009 has made me become significantly more matured and level-headed like never before. I guess it is true, when you turn 21, the maturity comes along as God’s birthday gift to you. I am thankful I got this priceless gift as without it, I will prolly succumb to the easy way out in everything like back then in 2002. I don’t deny it, I have changed just like everyone else. But I hope this change within me will bring about a level of happiness, warmth and sunshine to the people around me. Never did it cross my mind that I will be so open and friendly to anyone that I can strike up conversations with mere strangers or even hug my best friend on the train platform.

2009 isn’t the year for love; I know I gave up on my first love in 2008 and I am still mending my broken heart and learning from my past mistakes. Hence I have made it clear that I don’t want to be seriously dating anyone as the time I have in my hands now is too precious to be wasted fighting with a significant other. Now that I am 21, let me be free. I know when the time is right for the love to be requited, it will be. I am a firm believer of kismet; better known as fate. Also, if it is meant to be, it will always be regardless so always believe in that statement. After all, we have forever together so what does a few years of singlehood mean right?

2009 is the year I was granted the biggest life lesson I ever had in my entire life; my grandmother’s passing. Looking back, I knew a part of me died and was buried along in the grave when she went away and for a certain period of time, I admit that I lost the zest in me. But after a while, I reached a mutual understanding that I can’t go on like that forever. I have to pick up the pieces and move on with my life as she has gone away and will never ever come back to me. Many things have changed in the house thanks to my stubborn need to move things around to cope with the grief. But nothing, I mean it, nothing has or will be able to replace her presence during the first 21 years of my life. Nothing. That space she took away from my heart will never be replaced. The puzzle will never fit the same way again and I know if I don’t let go, I will prolly drive everyone else including myself to the grave.  I honestly do miss her a lot but I guess the only way I can miss her is to gift a a prayer or two for her daily and pray that He will take good care of her. Which I am very sure He will.

Come to think of it, I think I was a selfish fart to want a degree immediately after my graduation from SHATEC Institutes. I mean, as much as I am the youngest in the family and I am the only girl, I think I shouldn’t have reacted with such haughty arrogance or disappointment when my parents told me that they will not be able to fund for my degree whether abroad or locally. It took me a long, long time to understand the whole situation and I am thankful (in a way) that Papa was diagnosed with cancer before I applied for a university. Can you imagine if I had applied for my university and Papa got his diagnosis after that? Things will definitely be much harder on us then. I’m thankful I opted to listen to my parents and wait the years before my savings will accumulate to a degree.

I know it will take me quite a while before that happens and the only thing I can wish for is that some filthy rich heir to a petroleum empire or a wealthy prince is reading my sympathy-laced post today and that he will propose to marry me and guarantee that I will never have to worry about finances ever again.

Okaye, just kidding 😛

Back to the story here, 2009 has been a whirlwind roller-coaster ride for me and it’s definitely one hell of a ride worth riding and living for. Here’s to the end of 2009 and the wonderful beginning, middle and ending to 2010 and beyond!

🙂

A BFF’s Mind

Martian & I Part 1

Martian & I Part 2

Martian & I Part 3

 

A best friend is only a best friend if she is able to have a telepathic mind with me and actually plan the same surprise (as written in the previous post) especially for me on the sly while I was doing the same for her. I think it is utter coolness to know we know each other’s minds so darn well that it leaves the both of us pleasantly surprised most of the time.

🙂