365 Days Plus Without You

How is the air up there in Heaven daddy? I miss you lots every single day. Funny how your passing doesn’t seemed to make me miss you any lesser. In fact I still wonder and think of you every single day as when you were still alive.

Goodbye

 

I missed your smile the most. I also missed seeing you shuffling between the rooms, sleeping with the tv on, smelling your greying hair and scrubbing your back for a home-made spa. I missed nagging at you to eat your medicines. I missed holding your hand when I measure your BP. I missed wheeling you around on the wheelchair at top speed which you always say makes your heart hurt but you unabashedly admit that it was fun. I missed telling you stories about work. I missed having you at the kitchen, happily taste-testing my random recipes I found on the Internet. I missed seeing you wearing your favorite Goldlion belt and slouchy polo pants to the hospital. I missed cutting your toe nails and buffing them up to a pristine shine. I missed reminding you to brush your teeth before you sleep. I missed asking you if you are okay. I missed telling you that it will all be okay. I missed waking up at ungodly hours and checking on you. I missed checking your glucose level and writing them in the chart book. I missed telling Dr Satish how great you are doing. I missed seeing you devour the crab claws from Hei Sushi and your favorite fried tofu. I missed you giving me that cheeky smile, telling me you want a tad bit of Sprite and winded up drinking everything. 

Death

I have not been writing not because I am having a writer’s block. I did not write the last month plus as I wasn’t ready to face writing about 17th July 2014 which is the one year anniversary since Daddy passed on. Moving on to present-day, I will be facing yet another challenge to pass through. That hurdle happens to be Daddy’s birthday coming up on 29th August. You would have been 65 this year Daddy! It is the age when the government gives you back all the CPF money that you have been saving for all your life Daddy dear. Now, all that plan is just shelved for a rainy day for the family; for Mum.

Transition

I swear I feel your presence all around during the fasting month Daddy. Now that Eid is already over, I missed feeling that presence I felt and I sincerely look forward to the next one. I know the only consolation I feel with you gone is that you are no longer in any pain and that is comforting to me.

Till then, have a blast up there in Heaven Daddy. I am right here smack in the middle of Earth praying for your well-being and safety always. 

I love you more than words can ever say.

X

Advertisements

Character

Manners

I am a strong believer in good manners. Regardless of how rich or how poor you are, I believe that the single best asset anyone can own is to be a genuinely nice human being. I see the dismal characters walking down the streets and I am grossly disappointed. What is so hard about saying please and thank you? And also, to add a little smile; even if it is a tight smile, would make a lot of difference to the conversation.

I am one who loves to smile and strike conversations with strangers on the street but I completely abhor rudeness and the lack of smiles on the face of others. I wish people will make the world a better place by smiling more often instead of scowling or frowning when asking for help or directing a query. What is even more sad is when you see the younger generation with appalling manners and I can only imagine how rude the world will be when our kids grow up.

😦

Truly, there are so many reasons to smile and a smile generates a positive image on oneself and as a reflection on others. It is a domino effect; you smile to a stranger and they return that smile and aside from a smile back, you get that warm surge of happiness gravitating within you. Even if it lasts for a mere five seconds.

Trust me, it’s all worth it.

Manners 2

9491th Day.

As my birthday concluded last night, I sneaked a chance today to reflect on things since I was busting the calories at the gym today. I can’t be more grateful to be 26 now that I am where I am and surrounded by the people who truly mattered. I know it hadn’t been an easy journey to turn 26, in fact I never envisioned living past 25 as I thought it is funny to plan for a life I am not sure of.

But God has been ever so Forgiving and I am thankful to wake up and be blessed enough to savor another day  with the family and the ones that matter the most to me.

The last two days had been a wonderful experience. In fact, it had been the best and definitely most memorable experience of a birthday well-spent. The only glitch? That four of my closest loves could not attend my birthday dinner with me.

Memories

One, Dad.

It is my first birthday without Papa and as much as I am glad that he no longer is in pain, missing him is undeniable. I am sure Mama had it harder than I do but the feeling of losing never seemed to go away does it? There are days I will stare hard at his portrait on my table and tell him that I miss seeing him smile. That sometimes seeing a photo of him smiling wide isn’t enough to make me miss him any lesser. I am not the most religious of Muslims but I do save a prayer for you as much as I can as you totally deserve it Daddy dear. I know you are watching me every step of the day as my guardian angel and I know that is comforting as I know I am safe in your protection in the eyes of God.

Two, Murugiah Komala.

The best friend is down with the sniffles and is out of action the last few days. Babe! Feel better soon please! I am craving for The Pizza Place dinner with you 🙂

Three, Maris Stella Djuli.

The other best friend who is in town with her gorgeous son BUT we can’t seemed to find the proper time and day to meet up for ngabuburit. 😦 See you soon my dear! Hopefully I can sneak back to Jakarta some time end of the year or early next year to see you and finally try out your home-cooking! 🙂

Four, Reaus.

I know this year had been a tough one for you with your Mum’s passing and in the deepest corners of my heart, I yearn to be close to you as before. However, I can only hope and wish for that to happen as our friendship is not one that is taken easily by your partner and I am deeply saddened to have to consider staying away so long as he remains your partner. I missed those days that we will call and catch up with each other over anything and everything under the sun and just laugh the moments away. I fondly remembered sneaking to WCP to surprise you one fine night and drop off a cake for you and your colleagues at work. I tell the love how sad it is like to watch a friendship disintegrate slowly but I do believe that perhaps some friendships can’t blossom due to reasons only God will know. I do have you in my prayers everyday. I pray that you will always remain safe in God’s protection and that you will continue to be strong when the going gets tough.

Play

I used to grow up regretting why certain things don’t end the way that I want to. But as I  blew my 26th candle yesterday, I resolute to never regret those missed chances and failed attempts. I strive to live a greater life everyday and to seize whatever opportunities I have every day to make my day better and happier for myself and those that matter around me. I believe God has His reasons, we just need to live through those bad decisions and make better ones for the greater future. 🙂

2 Ramadan 1435 Hijrah

Image

It was a morning of Ramadan that I woke up tad bit late for 8 o’clock work. I saw Mum sitting on the bed and fiddling with her phone and I asked whether she had eaten her sahur that morning. Mum shot me an absolutely blank face and asked me back.

“What sahur?”

I patiently told her that today is indeed fasting month and she needs to get up pronto to prepare food for herself and brother to eat before Subuh but again, the bewildered look was washed all over her face and she asked me again,

“What sahur? When did we sahur? It is Ramadan already?”

She got off the bed, walked to the kitchen table and then asked me again what day was it today and why are we hurrying to prepare to eat in the morning. Trust me, it all my years living with her, I have never seen her in such a blank state. I couldn’t gather my thoughts as to what exactly happened to her but I could only gathered that she needs help along the way or else she will be completely lost. I hurriedly placed all my bathing articles in the toilet and helped her in the kitchen. Mum would wash the cups half-way then stop awhile and ask me repeatedly;

“What day is it today, what is the date, how many days have we fasted and why are we fasting today?

Only the Lord knows how I managed to muster so much patience given that I was already late for work by a good half an hour. It just felt as though I felt the despair Mum felt and I can only hope that she will walk out of this blank and empty state as soon as she can. The good thing that I am thankful for was that her memory just happened to be wiped out of the events that happened yesterday. Somehow or rather, she was able to remember what happened on the day before yesterday but she wasn’t able to register the details of what happened in the later part of the day.

Somehow I knew in my deepest of hearts that something was clearly “off” about Mum but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

Perhaps she woke up too sudden? Perhaps she was still on her deep sleep state? Perhaps her medication was still running high on her bloodstream? Perhaps she fell while everyone else was sleeping? Perhaps she was losing her mind? Perhaps. Those questions remained unanswered and will always be.

Anything could have caused it. Anyone could’ve missed it. Maybe it was meant to be that way. The sudden loss of memory on Mum decapitated me; I felt numb on the inside. I felt as though I was on the brink of losing someone dear again. I mean, who wakes up one fine morning and forgets everything? I thought those things only happened to goldfish? In all honesty, that is what I was think will happen to me. That I will be losing my memory one fine day and forget everything. I always prayed that it happened to me and not to anyone else. Especially Mum! She looked lost. Painfully lost as though she wants to try to remember but her brain just could not function right. Something looked clearly off about her.

The most heartbreaking moment had to be when I was about to leave home for work and I told her to take care and then she cried and said,

” Dear, Ma can’t remember anything? What’s wrong? Why am I like this? What day is it today? Today is Ramadan?” Then she gritted her teeth and sobbed quietly.

Walking away from her was definitely the hardest part of my day. Despite the fact that I was being late for work, the thought of walking away from a sad Mum who remained inconsolable was harder to bear.

The whole time I was at work, I was trying to be as focused as I could but I know Mum was very close in my mind. When I got home, she looked as though she’s back to 80% in her normal state. She baffled me further when she asked me what happened in the morning as she had no recollections of it at all.

I could only smile and said,

“Nothing happened Ma, you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

I think she deserved so much more after the loss of Dad that none of us know how empty she feels inside. After the incident today, I began to see her as a person who wants to move on so badly but there’s too much memories stored in the last 35 years of her life that 1 year isn’t sufficient for her to move on but I do hope and pray that she will not give up in trying to move on well past that stage where she lost the love of her life to destiny.

I am not one to question God’s will but I know He does know that she is a strong woman who will overcome all obstacles in her and our family’s way. But I am also aware that her heart is not the same now that her love is in God’s arms and this Ramadan will be the most trying Ramadan she’ll ever have to face alone. It’ll be her first. But I do hope, with all of our support, she will pull through. Stronger than ever before. I never imagined living a life without a father at 25. But I can’t quite imagine a life devoid of a mother if she is hanging in a limbo of the past and the present.

Hope

Stay strong Mummy. It isn’t going to be easy but I am sure you will pull through; we are all rallying around you. every step of the way. Insha Allah.

WEEK 3: Self Love & Worthiness

Day 13:

What are 3 of your “victories” or successes in life? 

We often look at how far we have to go, and forget to see how far we’ve come.

Take this day to remember all the times you kicked a** and took names, acknowledge yourself for them, and resolve to toot your horn a little more.

You truly are a powerful, creative person, capable of creating any reality you want!

So … let’s hear it!

 Sweet Victory

VICTORY #1: Walking away from a physically demeaning relationship with a long-term ex-boyfriend. It had to be the hardest but boldest step I have ever taken to consider walking away from that relationship as on the plus point, he had such a lovely family to boot and such luxurious lifestyle that I can only imagine. But over the course of the relationship, I began to realize that all that luxury did not fulfill my idea of happiness so I walked away. Best decision I have ever made in my life. EVER. 🙂

VICTORY #2: Winning the SHATEC Scholarship beating out 40 others and maintaining my GPA above 3.3 till I completed my diploma studies. It was a big victory as I managed to make myself proud as I proved my mettle against the detractors who think I couldn’t make it. Yes, my chosen path isn’t a bed of roses BUT it couldn’t have been more exciting than this. I chose a path away from the norm and caved out a career in a quick-serving corporation and that brought me endless opportunities to grow and evolve into a greater person than before. 🙂

VICTORY #3: Being financially-independent since 15. It wasn’t an easy feat considering that I made that decision hastily on my 15th birthday but a decade on, I never gave up on trying to prove to myself and those around me that I am capable to bring in the moolah even when the circumstances are against me. At an age when other kids are busily spending their pocket money on country flag erasers and whatnots, I was busy saving up to have a fat bank account to the extent that Mum used to call me stingy as I don’t mind others forking out cash for me instead of me forking it out for myself. Haha! I am proud of myself for being that stubborn to want to show myself and my family what I am capable of AND still be happy to give more to others where necessary. 🙂

I know I can achieve more, so long as I set my mind to it.
You just have to wait and see.
🙂

WEEK 3: Self Love & Worthiness

Day 12:

Two words: SELF LOVE.

We all have highly experienced inner meaniepants aka internal critics and saboteurs, but don’t practice loving ourselves enough. Self love is the cornerstone to a life that works and works well!

Today, list 10 things (yes, TEN) you love/like/appreciate about you. Stand in front of a mirror and say them, write them down, tell a friend, email me, or get creative with the prompt any which way you want.

It’s time you saw yourself as others see you, sparklepants! As the gorgeous, amazing, talented, creative, loving, compassionate and authentic person that you are.

xo, Tia

Carrie Says

10 Things I love /  like / appreciate about ME:

  1. I love how large my eyes are  and how seductive my mole sits on the outer rim of my eyes.
  2. I love how sexy the nape of my neck is and how the curve form right down to my hips.
  3. I love the fact that I have a generous set of hips which means I should hope for more kids! 🙂
  4. I love my fiercely independent nature of my being that won’t answer to any other man except for my parents.
  5. I love that I am financially independent and can have enough funds for my foreseeable future and family.
  6. I love that I can make others smile just by my warm smile and friendly persona.
  7. I love that I do not have Facebook so as to maintain that aura of mystery within me.
  8. I love that I am highly protective of my circle of family and friends and I don’t let naysayers affect any of them.
  9. I love that I have great ambitions to spur me further into the future; it’s just about getting the timing right!
  10. I love that streak of adventure within me that isn’t dampened by the forces of circumstances; I am willing to work hard for it so as to ensure a better life for myself and my family.

🙂

PS: I can actually do more than 10 if I was given the choice! Teehee.

WEEK 3: Self Love & Worthiness

Day 11:

Forgiveness. It’s time to start forgiving yourself for mistakes you’ve made, ‘wrong’ decisions you’ve taken and ‘right’ ones you haven’t. If you want to be happy and more energetic, you’ve got to DUMP the baggage you’re carrying around!

Lighten the load on your back, neck, shoulders and heart as you let go of anything that’s not serving you. It doesn’t belong in your bright, gorgeous, happy and fulfilling life 🙂

What will you forgive yourself for and move on from today? 

Be gentle with yourself – this is NOT an invitation to beat yourself up, it’s an invitation to free yourself. Confidence comes from seeing mistakes and failures as a part of life, and not making them mean something negative about *you* as a person.

I’m excited to see what you’re saying goodbye to so please do share 🙂

Forgiveness

There are definitely many mistakes that I have made throughout the course of the twenty over years of my life and most of them led me to where I am now.  Among those mistakes that I have made, they have to revolve around my wrong choices in choosing a partner or what my girlfriends call it, Mr Right Now.

I had a tumultuous and tempestuous long-term relationship with a schoolmate which ended acrimoniously during my graduation and that had definitely left the greatest impact in my life thus far. It has taught me not to trust others too easily and to never give 100% of my time and effort to one man only until he is the one with whom I will call my husband.

Alas, I am a trusting person. I trust others truly easily so it’s little wonder that I never seemed to learn from that painful chapter in my life. I had sudden but brief exposures to suicide, abuse and also betrayal that I never thought I would actually come out of the chapter alive and virtually unscathed. Thankfully, I have been blessed with a tight knit of friends who have seen me in my biggest ups and greatest downfalls and are not afraid to help me up when the going gets tough.

Many, many failed relationships later, I vowed not to love another man anymore as I fear that another heartbreak will crucify my sanity but I guess my current love managed to overcome that aspect of me. With him (as how I was with my previous ex-boyfriends), I was completely transparent with my past. I told him all the nasty things I have done, all the rebellion inside of me that’s hungry to be set free and also, the hope that by being honest, he would be able to accept me with all of my imperfections. He remained quiet throughout the bouts of episodes that I throw tantrums and confided my deepest secrets. Not once did he questioned my reasons for doing what I did. In fact, he never raised his voice at me. I thought that was weird as I was used to being hurled abuse by the ex-boyfriend that it took a long time to understand that…

It’s okay not to hurt another person verbally or physically. It is the right thing to not lay a hand on anyone. Inflicting pain on another person is downright wrong.

I thought our relationship was destined to doom eventually but… Close to four years of friendship and three years of love later, he still tells me everyday that he loves me unconditionally and that regardless of what mistakes I have done in the past as it doesn’t matter to him. What matters to him is the current me and the future me that he wants to plan a future with. I guess that is where the forgiveness came from.

I learnt to forgive when I was shown the right to forgive myself in the eyes of another and to me, that is the greatest gift I can ask from anyone for myself. Forgiveness for myself is a healing experience. It was a long, long time coming but I am glad I opened myself up to this healing process. It is as though all the negativity and disappointment perish to make way to something greater than holding back. Since my birthday is coming in a few days,  I am going on another path to forgive my past 25 years of mistakes that I have yet to find the time to forgive and heal.

I hope you readers will feel the power that forgiveness has on you.
It truly feels like a miracle.
Good vibes everyday everyone!

🙂

One Act I am Dying to Watch: Le Noir

Le Noir

They have been in Singapore for their debut show in March and only recently came back for a second season earlier this month. I know the love does not appreciate arts and music the way that I do but I truly, truly, truly wish my best friend, Ms Maris Stella Djuli is back in Singapore as I am very confident she will share the same sentiment as I do towards cultured art. The second show ends on June 29th and that’s like a good two days away! I can only salivate and go gooey-eyed over the stills and short clips but I can guarantee that nothing  can beat the true experience of sitting in the theater and experiencing the full magic of a live show.

😦

Le Noir 1

Le Noir 2

Le Noir 3

Le Noir 4

Oh Le Noir, if only I can get a little rendezvous with you.

PS: Watch the video and be astounded by their magic!

WEEK 2: Intuition, Confidence, Vibe Raisers!

Day 9:

The happiest, most fulfilled and successful people in the world are guided by an inner knowing. Today, make at least one decision from your gut.

It could be as simple as deciding what to wear this morning / evening, following a sudden desire to go out for a walk, taking a different route to work, not thinking about what to eat for lunch but letting the answer pop out, blurting something that’s on your mind etc.

Don’t worry about getting it wrong, just act purely on impulse.

Share your experience / journal / reflect on it / email!

*

Regardless of how negative the incident that evolved from my initial gut feeling of having a meal at a location different from the norm, I harbor no ill- intentions nor regret toward my gut as at the end of the day, I know I wasn’t doing anything morally wrong. I will continue to trust my gut feeling regardless of how negative the result is as at least I am standing on my on two feet and isn’t reliant on others to validate me.

Afraid

My gut feeling today was to have lunch outside the compounds of my office to soak in the afternoon sunshine and I am baffled to know that my decision to have an otherwise-perfect solo lunch turned out to be a disappointment when I was asked to vacate the little spot I had on a a little concrete slab on the outskirts of the office building mainly because ” it isn’t nice for the ballroom guests to see you eating here.”

😦

Mind you, the ballroom was a good 40 metres away.

😦

Why did the comment upset me you may ask? Mainly because I have started eating a good ten minutes before I was stopped and ironically, the last few days I spotted a few foreigners sitting on the concrete slab next to me and having a meal there for many days.

😦

Maybe it was sheer bad luck that I was stopped but granted that I was in the security’s point-of-view, I would never chased a person away while he or she is having a decent meal. I mean granted that I am at the wrong place and at the wrong time, I believe being a little bit flexible would go a long way as I already promised not to eat there anymore. I wouldn’t have thought of eating there had there not be a person who has eaten at that same spot before.

😦

Such a disappointing moment as the manner the issue was solved wasn’t in its ideal manner. Worse, the hotel security guy even directed me to the wrong level to have my meal and that felt like the final nail to the coffin. I had to walk aimlessly through three levels to find a suitable spot away from the ballroom guests as ” it isn’t nice for the ballroom guests to see me eating there.”

😦

This is prove that if a properly-trained customer-oriented person is trained to handle such negative issues with a little dose of good humor, this matter wouldn’t have escalated to this extent. Although my consolation was that the fried belacan rice that I brought from home was absolutely delicious, this negative incident has definitely left a bad note at the back of my throat. Am I satisfied? No. Will I complain? No. Will I share with the ones close to me? Yes as good service (irrespective of situation) isn’t necessarily taught; it’s either you have it or you don’t. This gentleman obviously doesn’t.

😦

Bucket List of Places to Go!

I would like to add these 19 gorgeous libraries across the world into my bucket list of libraries that I would like to see and visit at least once in my lifetime.

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/photos/gorgeous-libraries-around-the-world-1387793545-slideshow/gorgeous-libraries-from-around-the-world-photo-1386086481374.html

On top of that, granted the luxury of time and excess pockets of money, I would love to visit these beautiful wonders of the world (not in the official list):

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/photos/extraordinary-world-phenomenons-slideshow/lightning-striking-grand-canyon-photo–1618297586.html

And also, a must is to go and visit…

Machu Picchu,

Machu Picchu!

Seychelles,

Seychelles

Hanging Gardens of Babylon,

Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Santorini,

Santorini

Burj Al Arab,

Burj Al Arab

as they have stolen my heart way back when I was studying them in Tourism Geography back in SHATEC. Ideally would be to visit all 21 wonders of the ancient, current and future wonders of the world! Insha Allah, AMIN!

🙂

WEEK 2: Intuition, Confidence, Vibe Raisers!

Day 7: 

Sometimes, no amount of affirmations or afformations work in the moment you need them. That’s when it’s time to bust out the WW_Ds (what would __ do). Yep, channel someone else, roleplay and act from that space! CUT OUT the over analysing, the exhausting mental calisthenics and get rowdy!

For example: If you’re feeling wimpy, ask yourself WHAT WOULD CHUCK NORRIS DO and just for a moment, BE him. Think like him, act like him, talk like him. When you can’t swing it alone, it’s time to get help from your imagination.

It doesn’t even have to be a person – could be a power animal (cheetah!), quality or object (serene pool), type of person (leader) etc.

Play with this this. When you’re faced with a decision today, ask “what would ____ do”.

*

When I am down, usually I will remind myself of Dad. What would he do if he were in my shoes? Usually, that’ll help me solve my doubts and questions as there are many things that I have not expected him to do but he does them anyway. For each time that I am troubled,  I always remind myself the struggles Daddy went through to raise me and also the many years he fought valiantly against cancer. Then it’ll make me miss him and remind myself  that if I want to live a life that will make him proud, I will have to do more things that I am afraid of so that I can do better for my family in the future. Amin!

Easy Life!

WEEK 2: Intuition, Confidence, Vibe Raisers!

Day 6

Lightly reflect on what makes YOU feel this good, this in-the-flow, this amazing. IF you’re inspired, do it today / this weekElse, just soak in the energy and vibe.

Happy BRAND new week!

xo, Tia

 

 What keeps me motivated on Mondays? Going for hours-long gym on Sundays! Truly, I enjoy burning the lactic acids off the previous week and start the new week on a brand new and revived mode. I never thought the day would come that I enjoy burning calories this much but two years on, I dare say I am! Sundays are my fun days as I get to enjoy burning fats and simply, spend quiet pockets of time just to be silent and refocus my energies and thinking on things that I would like to achieve for the following week. Sort of my idea of a me-time moment which in time keeps me happy and healthy.

Working Out

WEEK 1: Values and Perspectives

WEEK 1: Values and Perspectives

Day 5:

One way we lose our sparkle is by allowing tolerations (the # 1 energy leak!) to eat away at our peace of mind and energy.

Like the leaking tap that goes drip… drip… drip … could be nothing major, yet insidiously erodes anything it comes in contact with over a period of time. Often, we don’t even realise what’s happening till the damage has been done!

Today, shine the light of awareness on anything you’ve been avoiding or tolerating.

Then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Make a decision, finish or start something, give something away, clean your desk or closet, delete computer folders, return emails, ask for help, pay a bill, let go of something that’s not serving you … big or small, doesn’t matter.

UNBLOCK that stuck energy & free your mind 😉

*

There are many things that I have been avoiding for days and weeks and I foresee the oversight could possibly be because of my supposed “hectic” schedule and lack of time. I personally feel that if there’s one thing that I have been avoiding, it is to make even greater use of of my time.

Ever since Papa passed away, I began on this journey to better maximize the time given to me so as to not spend the rest of my life in regret over wasted time. I have learnt that being productive is important so that we can each fulfill our own needs and quantify our time to be spent better in the company of others versus sitting around and waiting for things to happen.

I see my elder brother as a clear example of someone who isn’t making full use of his time. I would say that if I am in my mid-thirties right now, I envision myself to be a successful career woman who is in a stable and loving marriage to the man of my dreams. I envision us being in different careers but the similarities between us is the common goal that we have to butter up each other for the next promotion, next curve ball, next challenge God has planned for us. We may, or may not have kids when I am 35 but I am confident that by then, we will probably have moved in to our new home and build a bright and beautiful future together as we anticipate the arrival of a bundle of joy. I know I dream of keeping a cat or two in my future home with my husband first just to “try out” parenthood before we dive into the 9-month-of-crazy-mood-swings and a lifetime of being responsible for the upbringing of a child from God.

We may not be there yet but I know we are closer to that dream today than yesterday. So how do we get ahead and get things done?

We plan better and make better use of the time we have now. 🙂 AMIN!

 

A Grim Reminder

This question & answer post initially was meant to be posted in 2011 but I never went around writing it.

Question: What’s it take to put a ring around my finger in this lifetime?

Answer: A whole lot of guts, thick-skinned belief & the promise of a lifetime of love, laughter & happiness.

🙂

Today, I was doing a google search of my ex-SHATEC lecturer whom I heard had passed away recently and I winded up chancing upon an ex-boyfriend who turned up on the same search. Turns out he was getting married to the girl that he hooked up with after our relationship crumbled. He ended up on the Google search as apparently the girl and him are getting their pre-wedding video done in the school. Did they even dated during the duration of our tertiary education? Funny that they had that video taken as during the course of the time that I was in school, he was dating me and we were together for the entire 3 years of my studies while he graduated after the 2nd year so how was it possible that SHATEC was where their love blossomed? I felt cheated then, I still feel the same now.

Somehow or rather, seeing his photo with the girl was like opening back an old wound. Forgive me for doing that but I didn’t expect that I would chance upon him while searching for “Christopher Loh”. In all honesty, I do not harbor any hard feelings for him and I sincerely wish him well. It is just the thought of seeing him in a photo shook me down to my core as after all, he was in that part of my life that was too painful to remember yet important to remember so as not to go down the same road again.

I sincerely wish you happiness Muhammad ‘Izzat bin Said in your upcoming nuptials. I never crossed paths with you ever since and I don’t hope for that day I ever will. I prefer that you remain hidden deep in my past as a grim reminder of what love can do to a person if the person is too in love with someone else.

I am thankful and blessed that the one I am with is in no way the same as you. I am thankful that when I left you, the One that was meant for me came into my life was the Heaven I was searching for; syukran for that. Alhamdulillah!

WEEK 1: Values and Perspectives

Day 1 prompt: 

Values Mining! List your top 5 values, the ones that matter the most to you – if you’ve never done this before, just brain dump and start writing everything you can think of, then pick the 5 that resonate most. If you’ve done it before, revisit your top values and see if they still resonate or if they’ve changed.

 

Perhaps I will share with you what are the few values that I hold close to my heart before I start shortlisting the 5 that I am going to choose for my course.

Accomplishment

Activeness

Adventure

Affection

Ambition

Balance

Calmness

Change

Chastity

Cleanliness

Comfort

Commitment

Compassion

Confidence

Conservation

Consistency

Courtesy

Decisiveness

Devotion

Discipline

Drive

Empathy

Encouragement

Elegance

Energy

Entertainment

Environmentalism

Ethics

Excitement

Faith

Family

Fascination

Fashion

Fidelity

Financial Independance

Fitness

Frankness

Frugality

Fun

Generosity

Gregariousness

Growth

Happiness

Health

Honesty

Honor

Hospitality

Humour

Hygiene

Imagination

Independance

Inspiration

Joy

Liveliness

Love

Loyalty

Marriage

Maturity

Motivation

Nature

Neatness

Open-mindness

Optimism

Patience

Passion

Peace

Perfection

Perserverance

Persistence

Piety

Pleasure

Practicality

Pride

Privacy

Professionalism

Prudence

Relaxation

Sensuality

Serenity

Sexiness

Shrewdness

Sincerity

Spontaneity

Stability

Strength

Support

Temperance

Thrift

Trust

Truth

Uniqueness

Vitality

Warmheartedness

Wisdom

(Extracted from: http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/list-of-values.htm)

As I read and write the few values that resonate in my life, I can clearly see how that my values tend to fall under similar categories and I am glad they do! Or else I will have a hard time shortlisting them to the top 5.

With that, I have decided to shortlist the values to these 5:

Independance

Love

Happiness

Fitness

Thrift

I would gladly add 5 more to include family, trust, pleasure, practicality and growth though.

🙂

PS: Stay tuned for Day 2 tomorrow!