Bucket List of Places to Go!

I would like to add these 19 gorgeous libraries across the world into my bucket list of libraries that I would like to see and visit at least once in my lifetime.

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/photos/gorgeous-libraries-around-the-world-1387793545-slideshow/gorgeous-libraries-from-around-the-world-photo-1386086481374.html

On top of that, granted the luxury of time and excess pockets of money, I would love to visit these beautiful wonders of the world (not in the official list):

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/photos/extraordinary-world-phenomenons-slideshow/lightning-striking-grand-canyon-photo–1618297586.html

And also, a must is to go and visit…

Machu Picchu,

Machu Picchu!

Seychelles,

Seychelles

Hanging Gardens of Babylon,

Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Santorini,

Santorini

Burj Al Arab,

Burj Al Arab

as they have stolen my heart way back when I was studying them in Tourism Geography back in SHATEC. Ideally would be to visit all 21 wonders of the ancient, current and future wonders of the world! Insha Allah, AMIN!

🙂

When Hope is the Placebo Drug.

Daddy has been admitted again in the hospital and the last few days has honestly been a tumultuous turn of events with drastic changes. Last Tuesday (9th July), he had a few instance of SOB which worried me as it was a sign of another cardiac trouble. He has been through 3 attacks safely, albeit growing weaker after each episode but I never stopped hoping he will make it through.

9th July was the shortness of breath and the (almost) abuse state of GTN and it worried me and everyone around us. But knowing that he won’t get to see his favorite cancer doctor, Dr Satish Kumar, he refused to go to the hospital even though the Haematology ward were more than willing to help.

It is typically what daddy is like; he doesn’t like to trouble others no matter how gravely ill he is. That night, I can barely sleep. Being the primary caregiver since I overtook mummy earlier in 2013, I have to say that the roller-coaster emotions that one feels when the patient is in such a state scares me. Each time it happens, my heart skips a beat and I always think I will collapse from cardiac arrest or something.

While mummy was getting ready to bring him to the hospital, he sat at the kitchen with me and had a distanced look. After probbing he said this exact line which until now that I think about it, hits me like a ton of bricks.

“Papa merana sakit, lagi baik kalau Papa mati.”

Translated to English, it means, “Papa is finding it real hard, I am suffering. I think it is better if I die so that the pain will go away.”

When he said that, I chided him for giving up hope. I didn’t chide because I didn’t care / understand what he was feeling. I chided him for cursing his life. I know it is hard going through endless needles, chemotherapies, ECGs, cocktail of drugs etc but I do know God has His reason behind it. Even if He wants to test papa, I know He won’t test him until he breaks.

God isn’t cruel, He test His people to the level that he knows they can cope; they will bend, but they will never break.

But who am I to say what papa goes through? I am not the one in his shoes, only He knows what papa is going through every single waking moment.

10th July, he was feeling “uncomfortable”, the chest pains did subside as the GTN intake but my heart prayed and hoped so hard that he will be able to make it through to the appointment on the next day. His temperature was on the high 37 side, SO mentioned it prolly was his body trying to fight the infection that is causing him to weaken.

11th July, Dr Satish mentioned that papa’s HB levels are low and so are his platelets and CSM/P levels and that confirmed my findings over the last few weeks. I am no doctor but having a SO as a medic, helps a whole lot in me concluding certain behavioral patterns on a person. He says that papa must be admitted to boost up his red blood, white blood, bone marrows and immunity so that he can be better to take the next round of chemotherapy. He was fine when he was wheeled in, happy and joyful as ever and I was hopeful that he will be able to be discharged by Saturday as he promised to treat me a Banquet dinner for my birthday.

I never was happier to hear that.

12th July, I came alone to keep him company. I did my usual treats for him; video-called mummy for him, massaged him, talked to him as per usual. Then he told me he had a hectic night of transfusion. He was transfused with 2 pints of blood, 1 of platelets and 1 of antibiotics. He had needles and strips of plaster on various parts of his limbs and they even IV him on the inner right ankle as his limb vessels collapse when they were trying to IV from the arms.

I asked him if it was painful?

My strong daddy said, “No pain, nothing.”

How much of pain did he hide behind that face of his is beyond me. He knew that I wanted assurance that he wasn’t in any pain as if he were, he knows I would follow-up with the medical team caring for him. So he lied, just so that his daughter can have a good sleep that night.

The sacrifice of a father – even when he isn’t my biological father – transcends every boundary there is in the world.

But he told me, “Sorry okay dear, Papa cannot treat you to Banquet dinner.” Then I told him not to be sorry, that he will be discharged very soon and that if he can’t treat me, I will gladly treat him.

But he insisted that he won’t be able to treat me.

He also thanked me profusely for everything.

And he smiled, his big Cheshire cat smile which always warms my heart.

Maybe he saw that his time is coming. Maybe he already knew it was quickly running out. Maybe, God gave him that sign. Maybe he thought it was the only moment he had left to speak before he lost his sense of talking.

I shrugged it as a passing comment.

Maybe papa was tired from the last 24 hours of extensive transfusion which he said was rough hence he said something like that. He didn’t get much sleep when they were transfusing him as they had to monitor his vital signs every ten minutes. Maybe he was indirectly telling me to cease hoping. Maybe he was trying to tell me something that I don’t know. Maybe. It will always remain a question mark.

But little did I know, I would be the last person to see him alive, smiling, talking and the same papa that I knew. 

13th July, I came earlier than the day before and I noticed he wasn’t being responsive. The ward nurse Azrin mentioned that he had been that way since the time he took over. He didn’t respond to anyone who called, didn’t want to eat nor drink, his eyes were half open, his left arms was fidgetting and he wasn’t his usual cheery self; he looked exceptionally hazy / groggy. He was breathing hard and even though I was exceptionally worried about his vital signs, the nurse assured that his SpO2 was at 100%, his BP and pulses were normal and that he will get the ECG done if that can help me rest easy. I told the family to come by at night to see him as maybe with their presence, he will respond better.

He didn’t.

But I reassured the family that he is in such a state as his antibiotics was very strong and drowsy. They bought the lie, but I know it was only time before they know the truth. I guess I was a coward, I rather face the truth on my own than to have mummy know everything. After all, when it comes to fragility, mummy is a permanent resident. I didn’t sleep well at night, as I knew my gut feeling says he wasn’t getting out of that state anytime soon. Even SO tried to reassure me but I knew, he was lying to cushion the blow on me too.

(I can’t write beyond 13th July for the moment, it will take up another 2000 words and I will continue crying while I type this post out so I should go and get a hold of myself. My eyes are puffy enough already. I know I will write about my thoughts for those days but for the moment, I should keep the thoughts to myself first as I don’t have the right frame of mind to write coherently. The last few days have been a great test to my mental, spiritual, physical, psychological being that everything in my thoughts are just a messy jumble of words. I will write again when I gather my thoughts proper again but I will leave a quote as my parting shot for the post. Along the way, to everyone who is reading this humble post of mine, save a prayer for my papa please? I don’t ask for a huge miracle; just the hope that I get to spend another night with him.)

Jean De La Breyere's

For the Daddy’s Girl

Our fathers may shape our lives very differently but I know we both are on the same page as to how our fathers shaped us into who we are now when the same fathers who were the formidable figures in our lives have changed in retrospect.

Hats off to you girl, we are in this together as I totally can relate to how you feel & Insha Allah, He will protect both our fathers from any more pain or danger.

A Good Samaritan

It is a simple task; would you help change the tyre of a random stranger if you see him / her stranded on the street? The reactions differ greatly between a brunette guy, a blonde woman & a Muslim guy. Watch and get inspired:

Oh stereotypes, they are rampant yet should be eradicated.

MunahHirziOfficial

These two pranksters have gotten me abso hooked with their 10 Dares which leave me in stitches on those boring nights on Youtube.

This particular video showcases Hirzi’s talent in being Leticiacia Fierce and yes, the hottest topic in Singapore at the moment which is about the domestic helpers being debated as to whether they deserve an off day or not.

Seriously people? They are humans too so makes no sense to not allow them to a rest day. If you are in their shoes, will you hope to be granted an off day after working madness taking  charge of household chores for the last six days? One day isn’t that hard right? The house won’t be run over by the moths and fleas and roaches if you don’t clean it up for a day seyy.

Being Together Thru Good Times & Bad

This video clip actually moved me to tears about how one person’s tragedy can be changed into a miracle when there’s a backbone for him to lean to when his own bones failed to support him.

Who says there’s no such thing as true love?
🙂

Amber Heard

In my opinion, she’s like the hottest woman in the Hollywood world, far hotter than Megan Fox or even Angelina Jolie or even androgynous supermodel Agyness Deyn. I dare say I have a girl crush on her. But I was rather surprised to know that she isn’t straight. She has been openly gay and she has an equally hot girlfriend in a photographer Tasya van Ree:

It’s shocking to know a gorgeous woman like her embraces same-sex relationships instead of embracing the millions of men who’d kill just to have her as their girl.

She’s smart, gorgeous physically and loves anything rugged and owns a ’68 Mustang and is an all-American Texas beauty; so what made her turn the other way?

I’m not one to critique but honestly, I find it queer that a woman as gorgeous as her find other women more attractive than the entire male population in the world. I respect her choices yes, but still… Somehow it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve got gay guyfriends too but well, you can’t blame kids these days from turning into their own kind if the mass-media nods to these same-sex relationships. It’s just not right.

Paradise Island

Now that I am back in this bustling metropolis, I find myself keep dreaming of going back to the islands and lose myself over and over again. Till the end of time perhaps? What naysayers say is indeed true; when you are sick of modern life, go get lost in an island for a good few days and do nothing but stare at greenery and basically, don’t spend the day planning anything at all. Just go with the flow and let nature take you by the reigns and let yourself go drift far, far away.

It’s amazing how much happiness doing exactly just that did to me for the week that I was away.
And then you realise and re-look into everything in your life that used to matter alot, didn’t quite matter at all.

🙂 🙂 🙂

The Concluding Episode to the Rainbow Love Story

You were a great man when you gave up your everything to see my smile.

However, it is real unfortunate that I didn’t forgive you the instant that you made that grave mistake by my balcony and I reacted by shutting you out of my life entirely. Call me childish but honestly, I can’t quite take it back as the moment has already passed and there are only lessons to be learnt.

Also, one thing I guess you already learnt about me is that I move on real fast solely because, I am not one to harp over the past. I packed my bags and left, moving on to the next available man there was. It wasn’t because I didn’t have the heart nor carry the feelings for you no more than, I still did, I just vacuumed the feeling and shelved it away. Choosing to love another man who is better at loving and taking care of me.

I’m sure my immediate choice after you was a questionable one as that man I chose over you doesn’t fall under the category of “my type” but I disregarded all that list I had and just went ahead with loving the imperfect person he was.

On the eleventh month of 2011, we broke up acrimoniously and he left a huge depressing black hole within me.

From that, I learnt one thing, I was capable of loving a purely imperfect and maniacal devil yet still be able to accept him as he is. He wasn’t the perfect boyfriend for an independent person like me. He’d fetch me everyday, every night even when I protest but he did that out of concern. But he had the same negative quality you had. He was an immensely jealous boyfriend, far worse than you. He was an ingredient of my everyday so much so that when he cheated on me over a colleague in his workplace, I was beyond bonkers. I went insane as he was capable of going from loving me intensely yesterday, breaking up with me over text today and be caught by my best friend canoodling with another woman tomorrow.

Being with him taught me many things but at the same time, he took away my independent identity. I grew into a dependant woman even I hate to see in the mirror. I became the trophy girlfriend coveted by his guy friends as I was much smarter, classier, prettier, richer and sweeter than his ex-es. I hang out with them for supper on most nights even after work to the point that it took its toll on my work and I dropped out of Fast-Track Program because I was too gooey-eyed in love to notice the ripple effect. Suddenly, I had so many new friends that my career didn’t matter. I rode on bikes, had my own helmet and was this close to signing up for Class 2B.

But at the back of my mind, I never stopped being concerned about you.

I know the park incident was too ugly to be remembered considering that you & I have spent many, many nights under the moonlight. In fact, I think it wasn’t necessary that I got my then-boyfriend to tell you that things between us was clearly over. In fact it was the mistake which proved to be my biggest downfall in love. I let a man rule my life to the point that he answered to being my backbone and my everything. He was everything that you weren’t. He was rowdy, unlike your quiet demeanour and basically, a huge mistake too. Before I found out he cheated on me, I was taking great pains to get him back. Even Reaus who was my BFF at work took the time off work to help pull me out of the rut I was in. Like what Reaus said, I was a complete shadow of my former self and needed help.

But upon realising that I was being taken for a ride again, this time by that douchebag, I saw history repeating itself. I saw love as pain. It reminded me of Izzat, of you and of every single failed relationship I’ve had. But it also made me realise that among all the failed relationships I’ve had, the one I had with you was the one I wished I could recover and revert back. Partly because, you remained the sweetheart you were then and even till now and the other reason was that my family thinks really highly of you as you acted like the perfect gentleman even after our love story concluded.

I take my hats off to you Muzzy, you were brilliant then, and you remained equally brilliant now. I just wished things between us weren’t this hostile now as I feel that the tables have been turned and it’s you whose turning me away now. My current love knows about you and your existence, he has acknowledged your presence and has no qualms about me being friends with you.

I’ll never forget you for you were a part of my history and will always be in my good thoughts as aside from that balcony incident, you never do anything wrong unto me. For all that good memories and then some, thank you boy. You were the perfect man at the perfect time but I suppose now, the perfect time has faded away between us. If I bump into on the street, I’ll definitely stop to say hello for you are one person I don’t even want to say goodbye to.

After all, the rainbow umbrella continues to be the one distinctive thing I carry to remind me that no matter how gloomy or heavy the rain maybe, I can always look up to my umbrella and I’ll see gorgeous colors of a rainbow in place each time, everytime.

AirAsia X 4

It was a trip of a lifetime (for this year, that is). I travelled via flight four times, went to the bustling metropolis of KL and thereafter a few days later, flew up to Langkawi Islands to get myself away from the hustle and bustle of the chaotic Singapore life and also, find myself all over again. Trust me, I couldn’t be any happier to have concluded my tenure at McDonald’s on February 2nd. That day felt like a resurrection of my tired soul as working in McDonald’s isn’t all that easy as how most people perceived. It’s little wonder that there aren’t that many locals in the system as with the bosses being ultra demanding and being surrounded by colleagues who speak only Tagalog and the mainland Chinese language, sometimes I as a local, feel like a tiny fish in a huge pond. When I go for classes, in a group of twenty, there’ll only be two locals – that’s how grossly over the percentage is of foreigners versus locals.

I will never forget the dirty-ass politics that company has thrusted me into. I will never forget the extensive unpaid hours I’ve toiled on keeping my store together from falling apart. I will never forget the experience of being the pioneer in creating a new store from ground zero. I will never forget the times I didn’t get to spend with Mummy & Daddy at the hospital due to my work commitments. But most of all, I will never cease to remember the friendships I’ve forged throughout the two years I was there.

It was the typical first-job (from hell) story but fortunately, the first job isn’t going to wind up being my last as I’ve decided earlier on that once the dust has settled in the building up of the new store, I will pack my bags and leave as I fear growing to be one of those imposters at work who do nothing more than to suck the higher-uppers’ boots and gain the popularity.

Hence, when I left Macs, I know a trip out is mandatory. Knowing the likelihood that I will most definitely travel alone, I steeled my sheltered soul on what’s there to expect in this maiden solo trip. What’s there to expect I ask my friends? They talk about drug-peddlers, muggers, no late-night outings, gang rapes and the usual theft. If I am travelling with friends, that’ll be easy to deal with but considering I am travelling alone… No word can describe the XX number of what-ifs there were in my head. My solo trip is prolly the single most-daring thing I’ve done since I never even told my parents that I was flying everywhere alone but after this experience, I know this flying and travelling alone trip won’t be my last.

It was the most liberating experience ever despite having missed one connecting flight to LGK and I proved to my humble self that indeed, I can take care of myself on the road enough. Even if the road is full of strangers on a foreign land and I have to lug that 15kg of luggage through the tarmac alone.

🙂

AK718 / AK729

And so while my BKK trip is on a limbo (pending 24 – 48 hour approval from the Jetstar team), I have decided to go with an impulsive decision to head to KL instead. From there, I may either travel out to another destination and have some crazy adventure or stick to the usual KL route.

I think I’ll pick the former, heh.

Now I have the whole of Asia for me to venture: Cambodia, Vietnam, Macau and all are within my reach but which should I pick?

In the mean time, everybody, save a prayer for me so that I am able to change my BKK flight to July without having to pay the imposed free of $300+, the figures are preposterous and if BKK costs that much, I’ll gladly forfeit the entire trip and re-book the July trip at half of the price.

Damn the terrorists, you ought to pay for all the inconvenience you’ve caused to us citizens of the world who want to travel to see the world but is mobbed by the fear of our own safety due to your idealistic beliefs.

สำหรับสติสัมปชัญญะ

Whether I am flying to this land alone or with company, I am still going. Even if it breaks me apart to travel solo, I will fulfill this dream come 3rd week of February 2012. God-willing, I’ll be okaye and come back with a better mind and a more refreshed soul. I’m still considering Vipassana but if that is confirmed, I’ll be staying for a minimum of 9 days. Let’s see what happens and I’ll make plans from there.

Triple the Likes

If I have the luxury of writing out my wedding vows to my husband when we are legally wed, I would want it to contain the lines below:

” I would like to thank my husband for taking this joruney of life with me and vowing to spend the good times and bad with me till death do us part.

I hope that he will never steal, lie or cheat me, ever.

But if you have to steal, steal my sorrows & unhappiness away.
But if you have to lie, lie in bed and spend the nights of a lifetime with me.
And if you have to cheat, cheat death as I don’t think I can imagine a life without you in it.”

I think watching three back-to-back romantic comedies throughout this particularly lazy weekend has unleashed the inner romantic nut in me and I am feeling all melancholic and mushy smucks.

I think HBO is going all lovely-dovey this Valentine’s day, damn those cable TV people. I should have loaded up on extra popcorns and a bottle of peach tea on the sides. Not forgetting the important nacho cheese bits.

The only ingredient missing is the boo who will fit perfectly watching these romantic flicks with me, as I bask & snuggle in his presence and soft cushy arms.

Next up, I am going to watch the final movie on HBO,

🙂

Let’s hope this final flick ends the night on an ultra X 4 romantic note!

XX