Reaus1 Channel on YouTube

I’ve got a super talented good friend whom have shared with me numerous good times and bad throughout my stint with McDonald’s and it’s high time that I showcase his incredible voice to the world outside youtube. It’s time someone recognizes his talents and sign him to a record deal yaw!

That’s a cover from Ziana Zain’s uber popular number in the 90s.

That’s a Ronan Keating number which is one of my favorite love songs from the last decade.

That’s another cover from Tiga Suara, featuring the powerhouse vocals from three incredibly talented singers in Malaysia.

đŸ™‚ subcribe to his channel!


So Yesterday

This is an old song, three years old to be precise but yes, it’s dedicated to McDonald’s Singapore. It’s apt much, no?


So Yesterday
Toni Braxton featuring Trey Songz

So Today;

Today is the concluding end to my adventure with McDonald’s Singapore. It has been a whirlwind of a ride, spouting various good and bad times with people from different walks of life and although I’d love to stay for a while more, I think the time has come for my impending departure before the company robs me off my sanity and the people who are dearest to me. Yes, this company is a good stepping stone to something better out there but for now, the fairytale is over.

I’ve learnt what I need to learn, meet the various types of people that I need to learn from and pushed myself beyond the boundaries that I never thought I was capable of. I’m thankful for the happy times, the friendships I’ve forged, the laughters and the candour. I am eternally grateful for the challeneges I was facing as without them, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

So thank you to one and all who’ve shaped me the last two years, one month, two days that I was with McDonald’s. From the time I was a Trainee Manager, to a 2nd Assistant Manager and to the concluding position as an Assistant Manager.

Tomorrow will start my new adventure to find myself all over again. I have no concrete plans as to where my next career will be but in time, I’m positive He will show me the way. I’m taking the month off to spend time with Mummy & Daddy, head out and spend time with the hubs and friends and Insha-Allah, my trip for some soul-searching will take place on the third week of February till month-end. It’s time for some me loving!


The Double-Edged Sword

Sometimes in life, you have the luxury of choice to choose things which you know will have an indirect reaction to your future. I’ve already made mine, please don’t make me think a million times over whether I’ll make it better in there as I know my biggest fear lies in your words which may inadvertently be nothing but honeyed words.

Let me go Macs, let me be free even if it means taking a step back, going all jobless and having zero money being churned into my account. I’ll do just about anything to give up everything if it contributes to my unhappiness. When February comes, I’ll jet off and hopefully I’ll be able to find myself again by March and start afresh somewhere better.

To You Both, With Love

As I was mourning the loss of a love and the dearth of a friendship, God dealt me a greater pain to deal with. He took my darling baby Jammies along with Him. Perhaps it was God’s way of telling me to focus the emotional and psychological pain I was going through in the form of physically seeing death.

Truthfully, to be dealt with two blows in one fateful morning was enough to drive me to my grave but I am eternally grateful GA & TH were there for me as I can’t imagine how I would be without them and their soothing words of motivation and also, GA’s shoulder to cry on.

Maybe like what they say, He knows best. He knows He challenges His people who are strong enough to go through life’s hurdles and make sure mortals like us take away the lessons from the pain of going through hardships. I daresay that fateful morning that BB turned his back on me along with the passing of Jammies all in one morning came to me as a huge shock that I couldn’t sleep a wink even though I was working graveyard later on that night. I lasted beyond 24 hours without sleeping and even through I felt emotionally drained and mentally beaten, I had two angels telling me to press on and not admit defeat. I was in complete shambles; totally felt as though I was going to die a miserable death and granted, all I wanted was to dig the soil in the lawn and bury myself alive as physical plus emotional plus psychological pain in one shot was growing too painful to bear.

But little did I know that despite going through one of the lowest points in my life, I have people who still picked me up and made sure I was back on my feet as quickly as I could. Sure, I tripped and fell and got some bruises going thorough this particular hardship but does anybody know how it impacted my life the next morning?

Only God knows as in my darkest  weakest of day and night, He granted me light in Guardian Angel & love in Tubby Hubby. I am still missing you Jammies and burying you was the most painful thing I had to go through after a near two-year affair with you being my companion throughout my loneliest of nights. But your death also helped me to close a chapter in my love story as when I buried you deep within the burnt soil in the lawn, I buried the memory of a boy who cease to exist in my memory.

Thank You God for taking Jammies, I know now that You love him more than I do.
But at the same time, I know You love me enough to teach me to bury the past along with Jammies & from that moment on, move on with my life and not waste another second crying for a man not worthy of my tears.

Rest in Peace Joe Jambul,
Thank you for being my sweet surrender.

Rest in Peace Big Bear,
Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is all about.

The Cherished Two

‘Cos without these two;
the Guardian Angel & the Tubby Hubby,
life wouldn’t be as complete as they both give me differing opinions on one topic yet are able to ensure that I sleep peacefully at night.

I love you both, equally much; in my own ways.
Thank you for being there, there always.
Thank you God for letting me cross paths with angels disguised as humans.

PS: If I hadn’t joined Macs in 2010, I won’t be that lucky to know that there lie a few good men in the world; and I know two. I’m eternally blessed, ‘enuff said.

Six Days Without A Swipe

Being away from work for six days is a very, very long time.

Lord knows what’s happening to my payroll. Maybe I won’t have a job after I come back? Or perhaps get demoted to FM? Hahaha, the thought of being at loggerheads with my boss actually scares the shit out of me as she has the option to terminate me anytime but what am I most afraid of is actually nothing as serious as that.

I just fear not being able to eat Macs food for free with that magical swipe card!

At work, it’s like swipe here, swipe there. One minute to punching in, I’ll prolly be making a cuppa hot tea the way I like it (tea with four sugar sticks) or punching the regular sized green tea (without ice) or even munching a piece or two of the golden brown nuggets or cheeseburger (without pickles + steamed 1/4 bun) or if I’m actually mad starving, my favorite Big Mac with no pickles and a side of regular fries with sweet & sour plus garlic chilli mixed together. When the turkey bacon was all the rage, my fave aunties will actually make me a bacon + onion omelette and also save five or six strips of bacon just for my gluttony pleasure. Let’s not mention my fave hot fudge sundae (double topping please!) eaten with a piping hot box of fries!

It is therefore quite amazing when people who hasn’t met me in a long time say that I’ve lost weight as I am practically munching or drinking something at work 24/7! Then again, I am prolly a living proof that if you choose the right food in Macs, you’ll inadvertently lose instead of gain weight!

After all, our beef products are the most healthiest,we only use a ratio of 86:14 pepper versus salt ratio and if you stay away from the fried chicken products, you are doing your heart quite a huge favor. But if you do can’t contain the craving for a serving of the McSpicy burger, eat it with steamed 1/4 bun and make sure you remove the skin on the patty as that’s where all the deliciously sinful cholesterol is loaded on! It’s equally nice with minimal skin, I can vouch for that.


Food talk always makes me hungry, let’s see what I can whip out tonight. Five days away from Mac food is driving me insane!

good night world!


I’m not one who sheds tears easily in front of others but when I do, it means the going gets way too tough to handle.
Most times, I cry in the comforts of my own room or while I lay in bed trying to get another hour of sleep.
Or there are times I cry to sleep with my favorite bears huddled close to me.
Sometimes I shut the door to my room, turn up the music out loud so that nobody can hear my cries beyond the thumping beats of my music.
But that is not to say that I am all strong, I may be smiling happily at work but behind that smile lies a life full of sorrow. I don’t fake my smiles like others, I just caution myself from smiling too much as I fear I will end up spending the next few days or months crying more and more for allowing myself to smile or laugh too much.

I believe God is Fair & God is Kind but I do hope at the end of the day, I’ll continue to stay strong and ever willing to go through every single challenge He has set for me with a greater level of dignity and a higher level of self-belief that I can overcome it all and there will be that pot of rainbow, gold coins and magic mystery that lies there on the other side of the fence for me.

Ominous October

The month of October 2011 was the month of sheer test of grit and endurance for me.

But at the end of the day, all that I would’ve hoped for was that everyone would be more understanding and compassionate towards my random mood swings and depressive thoughts that entertain every lobe in my brain as honestly it wasn’t easy dealing with such a challenge from the Almighty;

Challenge at work was to open a store from ground zero, challenge from home is to be there for Daddy at the hospital every waking moment not spent at work.

I honestly thought being transferred out of PRC would bring about a greater level of happiness and bring me another adventurous journey into Macs. But being the naive me, little did I know that being pulled to open a new store brought about another test of willpower and even greater endurance towards people.

I have to say, I was pulled completely out of my comfort zone and thrust into a world where everything moves a million times faster than when I was back in my previous store. I went to a place where everything moves so fast, I can’t even recall when was my last off day where I didn’t have anyone from store calling me endlessly asking me about this deadline or that. I knew I will be conflicting with the old-timers who have been in the system for the last decade or so but I wasn’t expecting the difference in mindset to be so stark that I am amazed that people with shallow mindsets actually exist.

I was moved to open a store so that it helps to broaden my knowledge about Macs and strengthen my core skills of the system but little did I know, moving me to another store was actually the biggest career challenge of my life. I wasn’t born & bred with ketchup in my veins thus I think differently from other managers in the system. I won’t let my mind be system-blind that I forget how the outside world function. This difference in mindset was a welcome change from my previous boss as he embraced my unique mindset as he says I bring up alternative and unique ideas that a normal Macs manager won’t think of.

Unfortunately, my new boss didn’t see it as a welcome change. Matter of fact, she despises the fact that I think differently from my team as my ideas are too extensive and risky to take. Tell me, what’s a manager to do when her own superior whom she’s supposed to look up to doesn’t appreciate nor acknowledge her ideas?

I don’t just do nothing, I challenge the system as a whole.

And dare I say, I am prolly the most hated manager in Macs now ‘cos I seek a challenge with everyone in the system; everyone who opposes my ideas.

Especially the Boss.

You may be the Restaurateur of the store, the big shot who calls the shot on everything related to the store.
You may say you are fully responsible for whatever happens in your store.
But you are nobody to me unless you improve your English and start respecting people like me who care to make a difference in the lives of the people you supposedly hired in as you didn’t do the dirty work,
I did it with all my blood, sweat and tears.
And I will stop at nothing to make sure you pay for every single tear you made me cry & every single minute of my time you’ve wasted when it was better spent with Daddy, during the duration I was transferred to this store from Septemeber 14th 2011.

The One That Got Away

When I hear this song for the first time, it was evident that the song reminded me of a someone who is still in my inner circle of trust. He is one person I shared every single detail about and he will remain, until this day, as the one who took my breath and got away with it.

‘Cos Where One Man Left, Another Walked In

Sometimes I realize that despite the number of heartbreaks and lonely nights I have to go through, The Almighty has His own ways of making me feel that I’m never alone. When I left Hairi, shortly after, Daddy had a pretty hard time with his health. His cancer took a tumble for the worse and suddenly, I felt the strong need to be there every waking minute ‘cos when someone’s at Stage 4 of any kind of Cancer, his chances of living a long and healthy life goes down to zilch. The person will live with every single second of breath granted to him as a miracle from God.

Now, that I am practically all alone and single, I thought I’ll just crumble under the pressures at work and home as my life revolves around a tough 12-hour shift at work and another 12 at the hospital. I didn’t know who to turn to till one day I just broke down and cried at work when Mummy called saying that Daddy collapsed and he’s in High Dependency Unit ‘cos doctors suspected he had a heart attack.

Only He knows whatever thing was going through my head. I couldn’t continue at work, I’ve lost my bearings, my focus that I thought sooner or later I’ll check myself into IMH. But He being The One Who Knows Everything, granted me a second shot at everything. He gave me a Guardian Angel to be by my side through the numerous times I was in & out taking care of Daddy.

He granted my wish to never be alone,
he gave me Sunshine.

He gave me hope;

hope that things will get better

hope that Daddy will ultimately recover

hope that when he graduates from med school, he’ll find a cure for Multiple Myeloma

hope that our family will remain ever strong and resilient for Daddy

hope that Mummy will continue to be Daddy’s backbone

hope that Daddy will eventually live as long as he could to see me settle down some day

hope that Daddy will get to see Ilhan go to primary school

hope that somehow one way or another, a miracle will happen for daddy

hope that he’ll get the bone marrow transplant if that keeps him breathing for longer

hope that Daddy will keep fighting the cancer and emerge stronger than ever before

hope that I’ll never have to go through hard times alone

hope that when I get myself an appointment with the MSW, he’ll be there by my side

hope that when I break down and cry, he’ll be there to hug to till my bones break so that I won’t cry

hope that when I feel like I’m going through tough times alone, he’s just a call or taxi away

hope that when I feel darkness is looming ahead, I have the arc reactor he made me to poof the darkness away.

hope that when I see a rainbow, he’ll run to one end of it to find my pot of gold while I find the other

hope that when I am cold, I can just hug him and feel completely safe.

hope that when I feel insecured about waking up to go to work when my heart is clearly at my father’s side, he’ll keep Daddy company on my behalf

hope that when I feel like giving up, he’ll be there to make sure I don’t

hope that Daddy will get to feel and taste what my paycheck can give him in return for him taking care of me all these years


He’s not a boyfriend in an official kind of way. We both feel that that term is too vague to be used since we’ve known each other since the time I joined Macs in 2010. Our bond is special and unique in a certain kind of way and I do care for him immensely and will do anything to keep him happy and smiling but love? Nah, let’s not complicate matters and take it a day at a time shall we? I’d prefer keeping things between us the way it is as I fear losing a dear friend should our relationship break down and crumble every memory we have together. Plus like what I’ve always believed,

“If he’s yours, set him free. If he comes back, he’s meant to be.”

So as I’ve mentioned, He has His ways to keep me from feeling alone.

He gave me Sunshine;

He gave me a reason to continue fighting to stay strong for Daddy.

XOXO for the Sunshine đŸ™‚

Tell Me.

What’s the difference between the smile I give to others versus the smile I gave out to you when I saw that you were patiently waiting outside my workplace and all geared up to surprise me with a drive home? I haven’t seen you in the longest time and nor I was expecting you to be at PW in the middle of the night as I was planning a long bus ride home anyway. I don’t fake my smiles either, I know I smile from the heart all the time.

But this smile I feel seemed to come from deep within. And after that smile, I have that warm fuzzy feeling in the tummy.

What’s that all about?

‘Cos The Heart Never Lies

Dear Edward C,

Perhaps you may think that I am too good for you; or that you are too good for me to accept you for whoever you are and choose to be with. Do remember that my promise to you remains till this date and I will keep it forever till I breathe my last. But to ensure that I carry out the promise, I have to do something that I feel is mandatory to ensure that the promise carries its own way into the future with no feelings coming in the way.

I have to stop liking, adoring, loving, caring for you.

That’s the only way I can carry on the promise into the future. If you were in my shoes, you’ll understand how terrible it is to see you go on like that. Playing with fire; I fear you’ll get burned real bad, even worst than the last. And should that happens, I won’t be able to forgive myself as we both are aware of the repercussions of another heartbreak in your life. I just don’t wish to not agree with you and your decisions as I am binded by the promise that I’ll be there for you and support you in whatever thing that you do without ever passing a judgment nor comment.

Read this, it’s taken from a song from one of my favorite bands.

Some people laugh,
Some people cry,
Some people live,
Some people die.

Some people run,
Right into the fire,
Some people hide,
Their every desire.

Some people fight,
Some people fall,
Others pretend,
They don’t care at all.

If you wanna fight,
I’ll stand right beside you,
They day that you fall,
I’ll be right behind you.

To pick up the pieces,
If you don’t believe me,
Just look into my eyes,
‘Cos the heart never lies.

Now that’s it’s over,
And we’re still together,
It’s not always easy,
But I’ll be here forever.

But we are the lovers,
I know you believe me,
If you look into my eyes,
Because the heart never lies.

* * *

The Heart Never Lies

I am a woman who stays true to her words. I’d gladly give up all the love I have for you to make it into a barrier for you to fall back on when you need to fall. As always, love doesn’t exactly triumph in my dictionary. My love for others bears no competition against the world. If I have to give up my life just to make sure you continue to smile and laugh the way you do now, I will. That’s the kind of promises I make only to those closest to me. Yourself, included. Your happiness means the world to me, even if it is at the expense of my undying love for you. Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that you will always be the one I want but I know I don’t really want to have. I just want you in my life as who you are now, it suffices and will complement my impartial soul.


Bella S


There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

True enough. I think it’s high time I believe that I’ve had enough of the melodrama. I’ll pack my bags and move out of here if that helps to rid my mind of any memories of you. Granted, I’ll do an extended stay in BKK when my flight arrives. Who knows ? I don’t exactly have a man waiting till the ends of the Earth for me. I’ll do some soul-searching and hopefully, I’ll get myself back on track.