Sometimes I realize that despite the number of heartbreaks and lonely nights I have to go through, The Almighty has His own ways of making me feel that I’m never alone. When I left Hairi, shortly after, Daddy had a pretty hard time with his health. His cancer took a tumble for the worse and suddenly, I felt the strong need to be there every waking minute ‘cos when someone’s at Stage 4 of any kind of Cancer, his chances of living a long and healthy life goes down to zilch. The person will live with every single second of breath granted to him as a miracle from God.
Now, that I am practically all alone and single, I thought I’ll just crumble under the pressures at work and home as my life revolves around a tough 12-hour shift at work and another 12 at the hospital. I didn’t know who to turn to till one day I just broke down and cried at work when Mummy called saying that Daddy collapsed and he’s in High Dependency Unit ‘cos doctors suspected he had a heart attack.
Only He knows whatever thing was going through my head. I couldn’t continue at work, I’ve lost my bearings, my focus that I thought sooner or later I’ll check myself into IMH. But He being The One Who Knows Everything, granted me a second shot at everything. He gave me a Guardian Angel to be by my side through the numerous times I was in & out taking care of Daddy.
He granted my wish to never be alone,
he gave me Sunshine.
He gave me hope;
hope that things will get better
hope that Daddy will ultimately recover
hope that when he graduates from med school, he’ll find a cure for Multiple Myeloma
hope that our family will remain ever strong and resilient for Daddy
hope that Mummy will continue to be Daddy’s backbone
hope that Daddy will eventually live as long as he could to see me settle down some day
hope that Daddy will get to see Ilhan go to primary school
hope that somehow one way or another, a miracle will happen for daddy
hope that he’ll get the bone marrow transplant if that keeps him breathing for longer
hope that Daddy will keep fighting the cancer and emerge stronger than ever before
hope that I’ll never have to go through hard times alone
hope that when I get myself an appointment with the MSW, he’ll be there by my side
hope that when I break down and cry, he’ll be there to hug to till my bones break so that I won’t cry
hope that when I feel like I’m going through tough times alone, he’s just a call or taxi away
hope that when I feel darkness is looming ahead, I have the arc reactor he made me to poof the darkness away.
hope that when I see a rainbow, he’ll run to one end of it to find my pot of gold while I find the other
hope that when I am cold, I can just hug him and feel completely safe.
hope that when I feel insecured about waking up to go to work when my heart is clearly at my father’s side, he’ll keep Daddy company on my behalf
hope that when I feel like giving up, he’ll be there to make sure I don’t
hope that Daddy will get to feel and taste what my paycheck can give him in return for him taking care of me all these years
He’s not a boyfriend in an official kind of way. We both feel that that term is too vague to be used since we’ve known each other since the time I joined Macs in 2010. Our bond is special and unique in a certain kind of way and I do care for him immensely and will do anything to keep him happy and smiling but love? Nah, let’s not complicate matters and take it a day at a time shall we? I’d prefer keeping things between us the way it is as I fear losing a dear friend should our relationship break down and crumble every memory we have together. Plus like what I’ve always believed,
“If he’s yours, set him free. If he comes back, he’s meant to be.”
So as I’ve mentioned, He has His ways to keep me from feeling alone.
He gave me Sunshine;
He gave me a reason to continue fighting to stay strong for Daddy.
XOXO for the Sunshine 🙂